Clive Cussler's "Sahara" coming soon to a theatre near you?

Oh, I do hope they work out all this legal crap and & get Cussler back on board the project. Dirk Pitt was made for the big screen and Matthew McConaughey will be absolutely yummy as Dirk... *sighs dreamily* James Bond? Pleeeaaase.... he's a pretentious boor in a penguin suit next to my baby Dirk. Now if they could just get Ed Harris in the film somehow.....

Scully Was right, after all....

In case you're dying to find out (as I was) what conclusions the scientists eventually came to regarding the Fires of Canneto di Caronia (see April 5 post - sorry I can't link directly to it); Bob, author of the Shade Tree Physics website , was kind enough to take pity on my "what's up?" email and provide an update:

"Dear Kelli - Initially I was a bit skeptical about the idea of a geothermal hot spot producing an electron cloud on the surface by some unidentified dissociation process., It now, however, dawns on me that red hot magma should boil off electrons by thermionic emission. If that hot spot is not too far below the town, the electrons should not have much trouble working their way to the surface.

See my new comment at the bottom of the "insert" page A Canneto di Caronia (ME) at: http://www.ebicom.net/~rsf1/cann-for.htm One new report has it that the fires tend to occur primarily when trains are approaching. Maybe the weight of the train compresses the ground and forces up an extra dose of the flammable gas (if such exists) or stirs up the local electon cloud.

Best regards, Bob F."

So basically... seismic/ volcanic activity under the town is creating a charged electric atmosphere above the surface which overcomes the insulators in electronics, causing them to combust. The phenomenon has abated recently and the civil authorities have installed lightning rods and grounding lines to help dissipate the energy.

Damn. My bet was on the devil.

Ya' Think?

If the United States is to win its "war on terror" it must overcome hostility abroad and halt the rise of militants with a new "Marshall Plan" for the Muslim world, two leading Democratic lawmakers say

Ya’ think? In any case, I’m really glad to see the Democrats coming out with this. Voters typically don’t like switching horses in the middle of a stream. Maybe they’ll reconsider if they see their original mount has “spooked” and is headed hellbent for election straight toward that waterfall up ahead while the alternative is actually determined to make his way *across* the turbulence to safety on the other shore. That’s all Kerry needs – a little cheesy cowboy rhetoric to counter Bush's "back at the ranch" imagery.

The "Close your eyes & wish it away" method of geopolitical action, by GW Bush

Oh, I wish I could have been there! Mass Protest Decries Bush Abortion Policies . For a pretty good list of the specific ways in which Bush seems to have declared war on women, check this out: War On Women.

I just don't get Bush's blind devotion to abstinence. Yeah, sure - it works so long as you don't fall off the wagon, but that's a very hard thing to do. A recent study shows 88% of those teens who make virginity pledges still have sex before marriage. This is compared to 99% of non-pledgers. Pledgers do have fewer sex partners - but here's the downside (in my mind, anyway) they get married at a younger age. Which indicates to me, at least that they're just getting married because they're horny. Oh yeah, that's the foundation for a good, solid stable marriage.

Don't get me wrong - I think abstinence is a great option - I practiced it myself for extended periods of time before I got married. The problem is; Bush wants to teach kids that abstinence is the ONLY option for birth control - that it's the ONLY option for protecting themselves against STD's. He wants to INTENTIONALLY and DELIBERATELY keep kids IGNORANT of other ways to have sex safely and responsibly. So in Bush's ideal world, when they *do* fall off the wagon (as 88% of them DO) they are completely vulnerable to getting pregnant and catching STD's. They'd have no access to emergency contraception, or a safe first trimester abortion, or healthcare if they catch HIV's. Because in Bush's mind, they should be PUNISHED for CHOOSING to have unprotected sex - nevermind that he left them NO OTHER fucking choice. Literally.

Sorry for all the CAPS - it's something I get pretty worked up about. It's this fucking lose-lose situation he wants to force people into. Adhere to *MY* strict right wing religious beliefs about sex and marriage or suffer the consequences you heathen scum!! And what's worse is, he's not just trying to impose them on Americans. He's locking up all US funding and support for global reproductive health care, family planning and HIV prevention/care contingent upon foreign citizens complying with those beliefs, as well.

This is where the idiocy really shines through. Bush's master plan for fighting HIV in Africa (sorry - no specific source - I saw it on an OPB interview), for instance is to push (& fund) only "abstinence until marriage" programs. If he'd bother listening to any of the organizations who actually *work* in Africa and understand the culture and history there; he'd know that marriage is not defined the same way there as it is here, so there's a large % of couples living together or otherwise in long-term relationships who aren't, technically "married"; and that African men are not particularly known for their fidelity anyway (maybe not the women either, but I've only heard of the high incidence of men infecting women). Nevermind that rape is so prevalent in parts of Africa - specifically in Rwanda where an estimated 11% of all females, or approximately 535,000 women, living in Rwanda at the time of the genocide were victims of a concerted rape campaign. During the course of the rape campaign, an average of 4 women were violently sexually assaulted, most of them by HIV+ men, every minute of every hour of every day for 100 consecutive days. More than 67% of women who were raped in 1994 during the genocide are now facing death from AIDS. Now the same thing is happening in the Sudan; and not just to females.

So what's Bush expect these people to do? Prove under oath that their pregnancy/ HIV was a result of rape before he'll let UA funded air organizations provide care or perform an abortion?

"I have no particular talent. I am merely inquisitive." (Albert Einstein)

Did I ever mention I have the same astrological sign as Einstein? Yep - we're both Piscean. (That might explain why I'm so enthralled of rivers, huh? The fun little game on the Brother Bear DVD even said my totem was the salmon). Needless to say I've always felt a certain kinship to the man especially once I learned he shared my INTP Myers-Brigg type, too (only 5% of us in the population - aren't we special?). It's not so much his scientific theories that intrigue me - it's his views on God & Religion and everything else ; in my egomaniacal moments I like to imagine we think alike. Two people with great imagination who are at heart; incredibly curious about the world around them, enjoying swimming through life upstream against the currents of "accepted" societal norms. The difference, of course is sheer amount of brain power - and mental discipline (which I sorely lack). Anyway, they've recently found a diary written by his last girlfriend which chronicles his last years. Despite his apparently shitty treatment of his first wife; I still admire the old bird. Had I been in Ms. Fantova's shoes, I'd've gone for the old fart too.

What Smurf Are You?

Around our house, we've adopted the word "Smurf" as the snarky argument equivalent of "uncle". When one of us has had enough of whatever fight we're currently engaged in and is starting to feel like it's moving into irreparable "you hurt my feelings" territory, we cry "smurf" to tell the other to knock it the fuck off, seriously. Because, after all - who embodies warm fuzzy "why can't we all just get along" vibes better than the smurfs? So I was very curious when Frog posted a link to the Smurf Name Generator to see exactly *which* smurfs we were evoking. Turns out I'm "Meshugana Smurf" whatever the fuck that means - if I slip my middle initial in there I'm either "Boozy Smurf" or "Radioactive Smurf" depending on where I put the initial; and "Megatron Smurf" or "Full Monty Smurf" using my full middle name. Curt is "Super Absorbant Smurf" which is strangely appropriate given his obsession with toilet paper (Charmin with Aloe is harder to find than you'd think, thankyouverymuch). Had we both hyphenated our last names after marriage as we'd once discussed, we'd be "Squanto Smurf" and "Transparent Smurf" respectfully - one more reason not to do it, I'd say.

**Editorial note: Further research tells me "Meshugana" is Yiddish; an daccording to the Yiddish glossary it means "Mad, Crazy & Insane Woman". Which is also strangely appropriate. I feel so uncool when people throw out hip Yiddish slang and I'm totally oblivious. *sigh*

River Me This....

I’m not terribly thrilled with the original “Three Rivers” title of the blog. It was originally inspired by the name of the (now defunct, I think) regional athletic league my high school was a member of and was the only riverish reference I could come up with to match my signature Norman Maclean quote (the *true* inspiration for the blog). So I’m now entertaining several alternatives:

RiverRocks (current)
River City (one of Portland’s many monikers)
Riverine!!! (picture a Red Dawn type call to action, like C. Thomas Howell’s screaming “Wolverines!”)

Any other riveresque suggestions are wholeheartedly welcomed.

Battle of the Mother In Laws

Both my mother and Curt's mother are R.N.'s. Which is convenient when we have some minor health malady going on. But currently they're both on a mission to diagnose Curt's underlying 'problem'; of metabollic syndrome (i.e. pre-Diabetic insulin resistance); chronic fatigue and general feeling of crappiness. Obviously, the weight is a big contributor of all that - but Curt swears he felt the same way even when he was younger and in incredibly good shape. So now my mom is convinced his problema are due to his low testosterone; and Curt's mom is convinced they're due to sleep apnea. Both base their information on supposedly brilliant rogue doctors. It has all the drama potential of amade for TV movie, I tell 'ya: Battle of the Mother In Laws!! Stay tuned for play by play action.

Where are Scully & Mulder?

Just one of the truly trivial things I'm currently obsessing about: MSNBC article Basically, there's this little Sicillian town where all things electrical are spontaneously combusting into flame (is that redundant?) but apparently *only* when humans are present. Locals & their priest think it's the work of the devil and believe sacrificing a goat might fix the problem; but they've decided to let the scientific community investigate first. So far, the Luciferian theory is whipping the piss out of anything the scientists can come up with, though this guy has his own theory The Fires of Canneto di Caronia and is looking for someone to fund his expedition to Italy to investigate personally.

I'm finally taking the plunge

into true blogdom and have begun posting links to my favorite blogs. Maybe in the sad hope that some of them might be intrigued at finding the link in their tracking statistics and find their way back to mine. Right now I have an audience of one, I think - my dear hubby and it's getting a little lonely in River City.

And I'm adding a few new ones, as well - Long Story, Short Pier is one I'm newly intrigued by - if for nothing else than the really cool old pics/photo's; and equally intriguing links such as this Mona-Lisa synch.

Can't let the Fuckwits win

Don't ask why - something to do with anti-semitic racist asshats googlebombing the word Jew; making their vile website google's #1 result - and a call to bloggers everywhere to link to an actual Jewish informative site to foil their evil plot.

Sometimes small things are easiest.

Circle of Smirk

Yes, I've been a very bad, bad blogger. In my defense I *have* had several "hey that's kind of an interesting thought - I should blog that!" instances in the last week; but I just never quite had the gumption to set them down. So you'll have to make do with some general "what's going on in my life right now" musings instead.

We had a gorgeous 80 degree Easter weekend. Brunch @ Dad's - then we attended a spur of the moment BBQ with my bro, Kyle* & his wife Beth* and my bro’s best old friend Barry* and his wife Judith* that evening. Now, Barry’s never really been a friend of mine – in fact, quite the contrary as I found out when he reminisced about throwing one of my romantical Kah-Nee-Ta conquests up against the wall to warn him against ‘dating’ me. Having one over protective big brother interfering with my love life was bad enough – I certainly didn’t need his friends jumping on the bandwagon, too. But I got my revenge a year later by sleeping with Kyle’s new best friend when my best friend Karen* and I visited him in Maui. Yeah, I still remember that vacation very fondly. I got a little revenge against Barry the other night, too by mentioning a mutual friend of his & Kyle’s who Barry had at one time been dating – then later had an affair with while he was dating Judith; after she’d given him 2 illegitimate kids. Had she not been present; and were we not wanting him to do some electrical work for us I might have twisted that knife a little deeper by mentioning the *ahem* “premature” aspects of that illicit relationship that I was made privy too by that mutual friend.

But that would just be cruel. Right now I’m feeling more that a little sorry for the guy. When Kyle had talked about Barry before he’d always talked about how well he was doing. Making lots of “bank” as an electrician – buying his own house and having lots of toys (of the all-terrain variety). Needless to say this rankled me quite a bit as Barry was always viewed by our family (and the community in general) as a bit of a loser; who would never amount to anything. I, on the other hand was the prodigal child who everyone Expected Great Things Of. So from where I stood (in a 670 sq ft apartment making at most half of what Barry was bringing in) it wasn’t quite right. Yeah, it’s petty I know. So I was reassured a few weeks back when Kyle & Beth revealed that life with Barry wasn’t all it’d been cracked up to be. Their house, according to K & B was a bit of a shithole and though Barry’s wife was a SAHM; so disgusting they couldn’t stand to spend more than a couple of hours there visiting. Granted - I've been a card-carrying member of the slob brigade myself for most of my life but the petty, small, jealous part of myself that I'm in no way proud of was curious to see how bad life was like for the old Barryman - in order to, yes - once again feel superior.

So off to Barry's we went and as slovenly as their house was, my much anticipated air of superiority was tainted by the realization that for Barry & Judith - life ended after kids. Barry lives in a perpetual twilight world of "remember when I kicked so & so's ass?" and I can't really tell when Judith ever had a life aside from him & the kids. A fun evening for them is sitting on the porch, drinking beer and smoking, maybe sitting in the hot tub overlooking the trailer park next door and making fun of the inhabitants. Helloooo….. you’ve got a split level ranch in serious need of repair and weird bacteria/hairbunny/toothpaste spit mutant colonies growing in the corners of your bathroom. WTF are you so proud of?

But everyone needs someone to feel superior over. Barry has the trailer park dwellers, I have Barry – shit the trailer dwellers probably gloat over what they perceive as my shitty life, so I guess it’s just the circle of smirk in action.

Disappointed as I may be at times that I’m not a svelte high powered attorney; corporate executive or best selling author (as I fully expected to be when in high school), if nothing else I can say I *lived* before I settled down, dammit! Shit – I still do – and fully expect that to continue if/when we have kids. Both Curt & I still have hopes and dreams that we’re working towards. We take some pride (though definitely not arrogance) in our house, and invest sweat and money into making it nicer than it was when we bought it. And probably most important – we continue to have little adventures in life, giving us ample post-high school stories for BBQ consumption. And the thing is – I’m sure they do have plenty of stories from their life after turning 21 – what’s sad, I think is that they’re more proud of the people they were and the lives they led before then.

Pride Doesn't Pay The Bills

You know, so far I like my new job. There’s just one small, minor negative that’s proving there’s good and bad in every situation. As I mentioned before, a couple of the guys in my dept. apparently are rather politically conservative. Which would be fine if they’d just keep their close-minded, idiotic views to themselves. But no. They feel the need to share. It started with the bashing of the European political systems as I've mentioned before; then they started bashing the new progressive talk show network, Air America Radio which has launched in Portland on AM 620 this week. E & D listen for a short while then criticize that "you'd think they could hire better producers - it sounds like high school radio"; "They just sound bitter and angry"; and "isn't that the same thing they were talking about yesterday" you know - I could say the same and worse about conservative talk radio hosts; from Limbaugh to fucking Dr. Laura but I don't.

Then tooday E. was talking to one of our branch offices about whoknowswhat; and after he got off the phone he says “Wow – did you know Will* (the owner/Pres) has a rule that we can’t hire people for temp jobs if they haven’t worked in 6 months? I can understand that if they have a criminal background, or maybe if we had low unemployment, but Oregon’s still got the highest unemployment rates in the country. So this branch has already lost two of their biggest customers who are now using another temp agency that does hire these people”. Yeah – I’d say that’s whacked. Doesn’t bode well for the business intelligence of management. But then, here’s the annoying part. I add that why no, that doesn’t seem very smart – people will often only turn to temp work after all hopes of finding work in their chosen field is gone, which can often be more than 6 months; or even wait until their unemployment benefits run out – because if you take a lower paying job you’re screwed not just financially; but then you have no time to devote to a job search – and it looks bad on a resume when you do try to go back to your old field. To which D. replied with a rather sneering “yeah, why would anybody want to work instead of enjoying a paid vacation??. I’d never take unemployment”. I replied that I’d always had the same attitude until I was put in that situation (didn’t mention Hubby’s extended involuntary “vacation”) and decided that those funds had been paid in for a great many years on my behalf and I might as well use them. Since D. has a wife & 3 kids; his attitude was rather surprising. E asked him “why not?” “I’ve got my pride” was D’s reply; clearly indicating I should be ashamed for dipping into the socialist welfare system.

Yeah, well – pride doesn’t pay the mortgage, put food on the table or shoes on your kids’ feet, dickwad. I’ve worked damned hard to get where I am career-wise and I’m not going to watch all that hard work get flushed down the toilet just because people like you, who have probably never had to bust your ass working 3 menial jobs at a time think it’s “shameful”. Talk to me about pride when you lose your fucking house and are moonlighting as a pump jockey because you were too good to “go on the dole”. Bet the kids will be real proud of Daddy then, won’t they?

Parenting 101

If/when we do spawn, must remember this lesson by : Defective Yeti

Calling Scully & Mulder...

I’m going to follow this definitely odd story pretty closely: Sicilian Blazes Put Science to the Test .

Snip: “A series of spontaneous fires started in mid-January in the town of Canneto di Caronia in about 20 houses. After a brief respite last month, the almost daily fires have flared up again -- even though electricity to the village was cut off.
An endless flow of scientists, engineers, police and even a few self-styled "ghostbusters" have descended on the town searching for clues to the recent spontaneous combustion of everything from fuse boxes to microwave ovens to a car. “

But even though locals are convinced it’s the devil at work; they & the local priest have decided to let the scientists take first crack at solving the mystery. So far, the scientists are failing. It’s going to be rather interesting to see if any attempts at exorcism end up doing the trick.

Mutual Mastication?

Little did my new co-workers realize G. had hired a *gasp* LIBERAL!!! Good thing you can’t discriminate on the basis of political beliefs or my ass might go right back out the door. Poor guys – I guess I’m a killjoy – I think a big part of their day was spent discussing politics before I came on board. Now they try to get a good discussion going about how shitty the European (read “more socialist”) systems are compared to ours and I sit here and throw in my 2 cents of “sounds good to me” and suddenly everyone gets real quiet and starts working furiously again. Hey, at least I’m not one to slap ‘em with a harassment suit when they start discussing how hot Erin Moran was in Buck Rogers. I just casually mention how great Gil Gerard’s spandex-wrapped physique was, too. Yeah – I’m a killjoy all right.

Having a politically charged working atmosphere might be good or bad from my honey’s point of view. Good if I get my argument fix at work; bad if it just riles me up more when I come home to him. We shall see.

Other random thoughts of the day: I could use more little kisses from my honey, but he has this tendency to pucker up only when either his or my mouth is full of food; which is mildly vexing. Mutual masturbation is one thing but mutual mastication? Not so much.

What the hell *is* a Scuzzy drive, anyway?

**8/31/09 Update: For those of you reaching this post via a search of "scuzzy drive" - I can now tell you it's actually "SCSI" - a set of standards for physically connecting and transferring data between computers and peripheral devices .

Note to self: please remember to look for and call the nice people at the Oregon Unemployment Office who finally sent you a job referral 4 weeks after you’d gotten a job and quit claiming benefits to advise them of your change in status.

Also, please remember to check the mirror a little harder before heading out to work in the morning. For cripe’s sake the other day your shirt was inside out and today, it’s stained. I can’t believe your husband lets you walk out the door like that!

Apparently impressed with my fanatical knowledge of early 80’s sci-fi shows, my new co-workers have insisted I take this Geek Test. Apparently, I outscored them with 29.6%, which makes me a “Total Geek”. But I still don’t know what the hell a scuzzy drive is.

We got a visit from the cutest pair of ducks the other day. The female sat her ass down right in front of our door - I was worried for awhile she'd build a nest there and block my quick escape route to the river trail. But no, they apparently didn't like our menu selection of hard, dried cereal which D. provided them with so they moved on to mooch elsewhere.

Maude, my life is boring

- compared to the adventures of an English lass named Fiona who is working for a contractor in Iraq.

Ready! Set! Blog!

I just realized I've got like 5 minutes alone with nobody else in my little cubehood - time for a quickie. It's gorgeous here today. Mid 70's - all the tulips are in bloom and everything else is bustin' out all over. Curt got off early and came for a quick walk along the river. the Fisherpeople were out fishin and the ducks/ geese were gettin' it on (not sure which, but there was a lot of honkin' goin' on). You could see both Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Hood in all their snowcapped brialliance. I'm really liking my new digs.

My initial plan to wallow in menstrual, baby-less depression and crawl under the covers, not coming out until it was time to go to work on Monday was foiled by the nice weather. Besides one ass-chafing trip to Winco for our semiannual canned goods & meat stock up it was pretty nice. Note to self - NEVER AGAIN go to Winco on a Saturday afternoon. You used to be smart - you used to go after 10:00 pm. At least it wasn't raining this time.

Any Idiot can get pregnant

But apparently not this one. Say hello to little Aunt Flo. :(

5:00 and still no Flo

5:00 and still no Flo. Not that I'm anxious or anything. Or drinking tons of fluids so I have to pee every 20 minutes so I can check, or anything equally neurotic like that.

In other news, I'm checking out this place - just in case: Andaluz Waterbirth Ctr.

Gestatory Limbo

*ahem* Ok - don't panic, don't get too excited here, but maybe, just maybe, quite possibly one of Curt's swimmers *may* have triumphantly crossed the finish line last month. Fuckin' piss-on-a-stick test still says no, but Aunt Flo's over a week late and she's never been that late before. Never. Ever. She likes my Chicken & Dumplin's too much to miss dinner, I swear. So something must have happened to her in transit. Of course, we all no how much success I had with the ovulatory versions of the piss-on-a-stick tests so that might account for it. Though, come to think of it... if I *were* knocked up right before I began those tests they'd have come out negatory anyway, right? But if so then I'd surely be far along enough for the EPT to work?? Or maybe it happened during the 4th week of my cycle and it's still too early to show up???... The boobs are tender and I *might* be a little more tired than usual but aside from that, I'm not experiencing any other symptoms. In any event, time will tell.

I'd go to the ob/gyno to have them confirm (though I think they just have more expensive pisstests that aren't any more sensitive than the OTC ones) but I'm still in a bit of insurance limbo. My benefits won't kick in for another 2 months - Curt's tried to get me on his and we don't know if I'm covered or not. I should definitely be after the 1st. So I might as well give it a week and see what happens. I'll just abstain from the alcohol consumption and other prego "no-no's" until then, just to be on the safe side.

Of course, it could be what with the stress of starting a new job, and my wanting a baby so bad maybe I've subconsciouisly talked myself into a fake pregnancy? Stranger things have happened. In any event, I'm also not experiencing any symptoms of the premenstruel variety (besides aforementioned boob tenderness), either (like cramps and mood swings) which typically presage Flo's arrival.... so, WTF?

Lunch from Hell

Have you ever had fire extinguisher go off in your car while driving? I can now say that I have! Woohoo!!! Not as much fun as you'd think. Dad's borrowed full-size Bronco, extinguisher rolling around loose in the back... sudden stop in traffic and... you get the picture. I managed to pull over and get the pin back in but it wouldn't stay. Eventually had to crawl back there and tie it upright to some heavy box full of emergency auto gear (flares, rope, whathaveyou). Did I ever mention one of my biggest irrational fears is of chemicals getting thrown together in the back of a truck and causing a lethal reaction or worse yet, causing an explosion? Yeah, laugh all you want but that's exactly what happened to some poor family on the way home from the beach here in Oregon a few years back. Two out of the 3 kids burned alive while their parents could do nothing to get them out of the backseat (the fire was too hot). The same old bleach/ baking soda? reaction I think that was on CHiPS a long time ago. Bleach and some other common household item, anyway - stuff you'd commonly pick up at the store together.

Needless to say, I'm pretty damned thankful it was just a fire extinguisher.

Peeing on a Stick is Harder than you'd think!

Bad blogger! Bad, bad blogger! Guess I won't be winning any awards any time soon for most consistent posts. In my defense, I've had quite a bit on my mind lately - and not much time to blog with the new job. I'm trying to keep my image squeaky clean for at least a few months so don't expect me to update as regularly as before. Yeah, I know - I *could* blog on my own damned time but by the time I get home the last thing I want to do is get on the computer some more. But I'll try.

So how's the new job, you ask? Pretty nifty, if I dosaysomyself! The first project they gave me really has me stretching myself intellectually - to the point where by the end of the day I've got major brain drain goin' on. The people are nice. I work with three other guys in the IT dept. and then our boss, the VP (of what, I'm still not sure). Hours are good - we're expected to be in "sometime between 8 and 8:30" and work until the job is done. Though without a key yet I can't stay much later than 5:30. Even then, the commute is a breeze - 25 minutes tops. It's 15 with no traffic at all. And I love the part of town I'm in! The office is right down by the river - the Greenway trail is just across a railroad track and small parking lot from the door right outside my cube. I've been trying to take short little walks every afternoon to ease the cramp in my ass from sitting so long. And wonder of wonder... there are windows!!! If I lean back in my chair I can see 'em. If you overlook the dumpsters it's quite a nice little view, and they let in tons of natural light, which I can feel already improving my mood. There are all kinds of nice restaurants and shops in the immediate vicinity - all with parking.

So all things considered, I'm pretty damned happy. I like the work, the company, the culture, the people and the money. I'd almost send my old boss a thank you note if it weren't for the principal of the damned thing. I'm still dying to hear how they're coping without me.... I'm petty enough to want to know that they're struggling. Maybe I should be glad I don't know, though - what if they're doing even better without me? That'd bite the big one. Maybe I should just be glad that my new job's keeping my mind so occupied I'm not obsessing about the old one anymore. For that at least, I'm very thankful.

*********************************************************************************

In other news, I have yet to get knocked up, despite increased efforts to get me in that condition. This month we tried using one of those "ClearBlueEasy" ovulation detection kits. Easy my ass! Apparently it requires a *certain* amount of urine to work correctly. Twice I *though* I'd peed on it for the requisite 5 seconds, but apparently I'm better at peeing on my hand than on the stick it's holding, because I couldn't even get the reference line to show up after hours, let alone the specified 10 minutes. Of course, it might help not to lose the instructions next time. According to the woman on the end of the 800 help-line, there's a second method where you pee in a cup and stir it with the stick that might be a tad more effective. You can tell a man designed these fucking things - what woman could control her stream of urine well enough to make it accurate?

Happy Birthday To Me...

What a great birthday present! That's right, I finally got myself a job offer yesterday. I'm thrilled - especially as I'll be making quite a bit more $$ than my previous job, and doing about the same thing. The office is down overlooking the river, almost to downtown. So the commute is easy. Good stable company - they're publically traded and have been in business for 15 years at least. They do Human Resource outsourcing - everything from temp and employment placing to "PEO" (still not sure what that stands for) which is where they 'co-employ' a client's employees and take over everything from payroll to worker's comp to benefits management. They've got about 45 branches - mostly on the West Coast but a dozen or so on the East Coast as well.

Third interview's a charm, I guess! I was pretty proud of myself - I asked for $2k more than I really wanted to sart and they offered me exactly what I was shooting for. I start on Tuesday. But now the Rodney Dangerfield syndrome's setting in - you know, the feeling that there's gotta be something wrong with them if they want to hire me?

Hormones and such

Flea had a great entry about PMS yesterday. It seems like such a silly topic to me somehow . Don't know why that is, really - it *is* a serious condition that can seriously impact the quality of every woman's life (and her family's). But at the same time we women get so pissed when our emotions are so easily dismissed as hormonal in cause that we tend to trivialize that impact.

One of the hardest things about my getting fired is remembering that awful morning with the hatchet squad - all women, all supposedly "sisters" and sleep-deprived and emotionally spent me, totally speechless and empty, defending my emotional outburst of the day before on the bad PMS I'd been getting since coming off b/c. It was my one parting shot, my "last words" and I couldn't come up with anything more grandiose than "it was the PMS". Maude, how pathetic. How unprofessional! But honestly - I'm sure that was it.... so why not own up to it? How else am I supposed to figure out how to not let my hormones control my life except by recognizing it for what it is?

Road Trip!!

Has already come and gone.... but it was lovely while it lasted. We went to the enchanting little Victorian town of Port Townsend up on the Olympic Peninsula over VD Weekend to check out this little house & shack on 2 lots an old family friend of Curt's is offering to sell us at a killer deal... and carry the contract! There are renters in both houses now. The main house is on the national historic register. A small fixer-upper... there'd be room for 3 bedrooms (4 if you included the parlor), with lots of neat architectural interest.... and it might have even made a decent small B&B at some point. But. But, but, but. The current owner would want us to get financing within a year or two so she could get her equity out of it and there's just no way we can do that right now... I'm unemployed and we couldn't get enough rent out of either property to cover the mortgage. The rental market just isn't high enough. And it needs a new roof.... and would need lots of other fixing up... and insurance and taxes... blah blah blah. ***Sigh***. So no go... it just wouldn't make sense unless we were going to move in it ourselves. And I'm not quite ready to relocate.

Friday night we stayed in a wonderful little bed & breakfast and had a late romantic dinner at a local cafe. Which was a good thing because up until then we were both a bit grouchy. We'd missed the turn off from the main hwy to P.T. and ended up going 40 miles out of our way... but in the end it was worth it. Saturday after checking out the property (and scaring the tenants in the process with our lurking) we went on to Port Angeles and stayed the night with my aunt and uncle. Though their saggy uncomfortable guest bed didn't hold a candle to the feather & down dreaminess of the B&B bed; the company was delightful and we had a wonderful visit.

Back home to reality... Jinx hadn't missed us a bit. Our friends S&M had puppysat and they have a slightly stupid and clumsy (but still endearing) Golden Lab male that's only about 6 months older than our pooper pupper. They're best of buddies, though. We were planning to breed them once upon a time in an attempt to create some Chocolate Lab puppies... until his *ahem* not so desireable genetic traits became apparent. He's not too bright, for one. Doesn't even fetch... and he's a Lab!! And he's got some kind of "collapse" syndrome where he just passes out in the middle of running. And bad hips, I think. I'm feeling very snobby but the truth of the matter is he's just *not* good enough for our perfect little girl :)

I got an in-person interview last Friday with the software company I had the phone interview with last week. I'm pretty sure I blew it. Maybe sabotaged it in a not-so subconscious way. I told them the travel wouldn't be a problem, but I think it would. I'd miss my aminals and my honey too much. I got a bad vibe off the one woman who would be my boss - I don't think she liked me very much. And from the looks of the visitor sign-in sheet, there were about a dozen or so interviews before me. But hell, that probably means I'll get an offer. They said they'd call me one way or the other this week.

I'd much prefer this other job I interviewed for last Wednesday. The phone interview went well and on the in-person interview I met with 3 men - the finance manager (who I'd report to); the IT manager (who would handle the hardware side of things, but who I wouldn't report to which would be refreshing) and the General Manager (or President) of the company. Usually they don't waste that kind of time on someone unless they're seriously considering them. I thought all three interviews went rather well and was pretty confident afterwards; but they said they'd call me one way or the other by last Friday and there's still been no word. So I'm about to give up all hope of getting it. It's sad to say but one reason I kind of liked the idea was the fact that I would be reporting to and working most closely with men. I know it's sexist as all hell but the last job with Jan & Shelly just really left a bad stink in my mouth. Sisterhood is all well & good until one sister is deemed a thread by another.... then watch the fuck out! It's like woman feel the need to put on this "cooperative" face; but then when the reality of competition comes along, it's every woman for herself. Which would be fine - I can respect that. If they'd just be fucking honest about it. Men on the other hand can seem to compete against one another (and against women) and still be friendly about it - and most of all, honest. Maybe it's just that I find working with men much simpler, and easier. I know how devious a woman can be - I'm a perfect example!

Burning bridges over troubles waters

I'm having a bad night. For some reason I'm back on the fucking mental tilt-a-whirl about the whole job thing. I don't know what triggered it tonight - I stayed up late, watching late night TV and thought I'd be able to nod off easily, but instead I started re-hashing the whole "what did I do wrong?" shit. Next thing I know I'm choking back sobs, trying not to wake up Curt - so I slipped out of bed and thought I'd try to work it out on paper.

I feel so fucking betrayed, is what it is. I wonder - was it just the last emotional argument I had with Shelly or had they been displeased with me since before fucking November, when the first indication of something wrong came up - but were just too chickenshit to be honest with me? Then I catch myself going down the same path again and again and get pissed with myself for letting this whole thing rule my brainwaves. I give myself the same sorry advice I've given countless others: don't let the assholes have this kind of power over you - the power to affect your peace of mind. They're not worthy of that sacrifice on your part. You have the power to choose who has that kind of control over your emotions. I get angry at myself for letting myself imagine some sort of sisterhood, some kind of bond of camaraderie that obviously wasn't there. But then I start thinking about *why* they're not worthy - why they're such chickenshits - and off I go again, wasting more energy reliving what *exactly* makes them so unworthy, and the playback starts all over again.

Was I wrong to stand up for myself back in November? Was I wrong when I tried to take full control for this last, big project as every piece of career advice I've ever read suggests, as the best way to get ahead? They all said the only way to get noticed by the boss' boss is to take on a high profile project and make it a huge success. I'm beginning to suspect maybe Jan and Shelly read the same advice.... and weren't about to let me get that kind of visibility. What truly sucketh is I had pretty much already decided I didn't want either of their jobs. I just wanted to keep my job for another 6 months and see this project complete so I could put it on my resume. Take those formal programming classes on the company dollar that I'd put off doing so far. Then I'd have happily trundled on my merry way.

I guess that's what I'm really bitter about. It wasn't my decision. It wasn't on my terms. They weren't mature or brave enough to be honest with me so we could have parted ways in a manner that wouldn't make me have to swallow my fucking pride fighting the urge to burn that bridge in a fiery inferno, as I so desperately want to do to assuage my wounded ego. I'll never know exactly what I did wrong there - where did I fuck up? Because I don't know that I'd do it any different if I had to do it all over again.

Dance of the Seven Scarves

Well, the short term contract didn't pan out. They wanted someone with experience in a specific accounting program that I, of course am unfamiliar with. But the phone interview with the software company yesterday went well, I think. I felt good about it, anyway - which probably means I won't get it :( They said they'd let me know by mid of next week.

In any event, I'm taking that old saying "dress like you've got the job you want, not the job you've got" to heart and prettying myself up a bit. Especially as this job basically entails meeting with clients - so my favorite slouchy sweater and fur-encrusted black leggings look isn't going to fly. I'm actually kind of enjoying shopping for girly stuff - interview outfits, etc. I still refuse to wear skirts, but after accepting that with my big shoulders my favorite austere "professional" wardrobe of black jackets on black pants makes me look overly masculine - I'm embracing accessories. Thanks to Curt's family who have bought me cheap jewlery the last couple of years for Christmas (not knowing I usually don't wear any) I've got a few trinkets, but I my scarf collection was woefully lacking and I do love my pretty pieces of fabric (in moderation). So I bought about a dozen or so lovelies... some at a discount Ross type store, some at the local Value Village.

Nothing to see here....

Really, I'm not intending this to become a weekly blog - it's just sort of become that since I'm not working. Used to be I'd blog to give my brain a rest at work, but now, if I'm on the computer it's to check email or apply for job postings, or to play games :) Things are beginning to look really good on the job front. I've gotten several nibbles in the last couple of days which is re-affirming. One came from a referral from my old boss before Jan - it appears Jan had told her I was "laid off" and she recommended me to an accounting staffing agency. They don't normally deal with technical jobs but happened to have a short 2 - 4 weeker developing reports that I might work in. I'm waiting to hear if their client liked my resume. Then, they passed on my resume to an actual technical staffing agency they partner with who called me today. They have several Business Systems Analyst positions coming in lately and think I would be a great candidate for some of them after I re-format my resume a little. I really do like working with headhunters when I can. It's nice to get some objective, 3rd party feedback on your resume & experience - what your strengths and weeknesses are. And finally, I've got a phone interview tomorow with a software company that I applied to on Monster. So things are looking good.

it's singalong time!

Mom used to tell me how much I adored Mr. Roger's. I used to sit in front of the TV and reply to him just like he was sitting in my living room. Since I've been off I've become re-acquainted with my old crush. Today on his show I learned how they make toothbrushes!!! When Curt wasn't working he at least had regular M*A*S*H re-runs to keep him sane. Since we've cancelled the cable I don't have that luxury. I actually caught myself watching Barny for more than 30 seconds yesterday. On the one hand, it's kind of nice re-discovering my inner child. I actually found myself singing a little song I remember from my girlhood to Curt as a lullaby last night:

"I'm a little pile of tin,
Nobody knows what shape I'm in.
I'm no Chevy & I'm no Ford
Just 4 wheels & a running board
Honk, honk rattle rattle rattle rattle crash, beep beep
Honk, Honk! Rattle, rattle, rattle, crash beep beep!"

(Don't forget appropriate hand gestures on last 2 lines)
Which was just *so* much fun I dreamed up two other risque verses while I was drifting off:

"I'm a little pile of shit,
Nobody has a place to sit.
Driver's seat is a rusty door
Everyone else sits on the floor"
Chorus

"I'm a little pile of crap,
no seat belts, not shoulder or lap.
Windows sealed and doors weld shut
If we crash now nothing can save our butt!"
Chorus

What do you think? Maybe I could start my own children's show! On 2nd thought, maybe not. One thing's certain. If I don't get another job for months I'm in serious trouble.

Finally, the Grisly Detail

Sorry I haven't written more details before now, but my brain's been stuck on this nauseating tilt-a-whirl of "what if'", "I wonder..."; and " "Maybe I should.." thoughts since my incident with Shelly that had my head spinning so damned much I couldn't sleep. Part of the shock of getting fired was I'd actually called in that morning saying I'd be late so I could get a couple hours of sleep - I'd had none. I'm sure that didn't have anything to do with me getting fired though; and in hindsight I'm kind of glad I made the hatchet crew wait on me. I hope they sat all morning trying to justify their stupidity, agonizing over whether or not they'd done the right thing; and generally feeling shitty for betraying a supposed 'Friend'.

And it was a betrayal. I knew what was up the minute I walked in the office and Shelly said "we need to meet with Jan, NOW" and she wouldn't even let me log in. First words out of Jan's mouth were, "I promised if things ever weren't working out I'd let you know. So I'm letting you know now - we've eliminated your position" blah blah blah. When she had actually promised to let me know ahead of time and allow us both to determine a mutually suitable exit strategy - giving me enough time to find work and wrap up loose ends - document my processes; train others - etc. But no. I still have no idea what I did that was so heinous in her eye that justified her actions - I will never know. I have my suspicons, though (hence the tilt-a-whirl) and what's so very, very sad about all this is every one of the possibilities I can think of is a result of lack of communication and misunderstanding - and could have easily been fixed if she had taken the time to sit down and better define my & Shelly's roles & responsibilities as I had specifically requested 2 or 3 times. But no. She brushed me off saying "we'll deal with any problems when they come up". Last week - they came up and I guess this is how she chose to deal with it.

What broke my heart is it just didn't have to be this way. But I didn't stay broken-hearted long. The more I thought about it the more I realized what a world of hurt they've brought on themselves with this. I have not documented *any* of the regular procedures I do that so many people count on every month; and I've modified or added to any that I inherited, for which there might be documentation. Eventually they'll be able to figure it out - but there's going to be a lot of pissed off people in the meantime.

By Friday night I was pretty well over the shock, and actually started feeling pretty damned happy. I'm enjoying my vacation and already thinking about what to do with this very unexpected opportunity. I'm seriously considering trying to make a go of consulting full time, and am now laying awake thinking about possible markets and who I need to contact to activate my "network" and all that crap. And now, too I don't have much of an excuse not to start that novel I keep threatening to write.

Good Riddance

It's not often you get a root canal and fired from your job in the same week. Maybe not surprisingly, but of the two the root canal is causing me more pain. I've never been fired before. It's a new sensation.

Am I just a socially inept moron?

I mean, here I was mocking Smokin' Pete the other day for his clumsy ability to socialize, but he's in customer service. I try to get a simple difference of opinion worked out with Shelly and initiate some kind of basic professional collaboration and it turns into yet another sobfest. What a hypocrite I am. I may post the details later - right now I think we've got it worked out and I'm trying to move on. My birthday gift to my hubby today: trying not to obsess about my work issues on his special day. This post about beaurocratic headaches from Tequila Mockingbird is helping quite a bit.

20/20 Vision and one dead tooth later

I'm still alive :) and I'm not blind!! Woohoo!! The Lasik after all the hoopla was strangely anti-climatic. Didn't hurt at all. It was just more than a little disconcerting to feel like my eyes were going in for a 10 min oil change. Wait for 2 hours, get your little kit of goodies from Chris the tech guy (who bore a strong resemblance to one of the cruise director's assistants, "Karl with a K" from our honeymoon... but I digress); then they take you into a procedure room that was highly reminiscent of an X-files episode... plop you down in the chair, tape open your eyelids, then within 5 minutes afix suction thingies to your eyeballs, apply some eyedrop numbing stuff, then slice open the cornea, crank up the laser (I can't really describe the smell of burnt eyeball... I'm blocking it) , slap on some goop, flop the flap back over and voila! Good as new! Makes you think the days of Minority Report where Tom Cruise gets a black market eyeball transplant aren't that far-fetched.

Hello, my name is Kelli & I'm a pill popper

3 hours to Lasik and I'm flying high on Vicodin. It's making the toothache tolerable, though I need to take 2 to sleep. Mom said 1 Vicodin won't touch a toothache like this and damned if she's not right. I called the Lasik clinic this morning just to make sure it wouldn't be a problem. They said no - in fact a lot of people take one ahead of time to help them relax. Though they also give you a sedative - some kind of valium derivative to make sure you sleep afterwards to ameliorate the misery. Which I'm still going to get. So I'll be able to see clearer but will bet too stoned to tell for the next couple of days.

Countdown to Clarity

It is now less than 24 hours to my Lasik surgery!!! The pre-op exam went well, though I wasn't expecting to be dilated and it's taken me several hours to quit looking like someone strung out on crack (I'm assuming, of course that crack addicts have dilated pupils - I swear I saw it on ER once). The only not-so-good thing is I apparently have over-large pupils that dilate out to 7 mm, which happens to be the *exact* maximum covered area the cheaper Nidek laser can handle. The other option, the VisX is of course more expensive ($799/eye) but it can go up to a whopping 8 mm.... which would reduce my risk of developing problems with my night vision. So the question of the day: Is the increased risk worth an extra $300 per eye? I've done a little more research and I think so.

That will leave me $400 in my flex plan to pay for the non-covered portion of a root canal, which I am in desperate need of. So far I've taken 3 aspirin and 2 ibuprofen today and it's barely dulling the pain. In fact, fuck it - I'm calling for an appointment to get it done ASAP and see if the dentist will give me an Rx for Vicodin or something in the meantime. I'm sick of popping so many damned OTC pills and if I *do* get pregnant, I won't be able to at all.. Damn! How am I going to deal with not being able to take my sinus meds? Guess I'll just have to go see my aunt's acupuncturist dude. She says he manages her sinus problems using acupressure.

I bought this cool History of Portland book the other day with the gift cert. my father in law gave me for Christmas. I'm only through the first chapter and I'm already learning all kinds of fascinating trivia I can now wow Pop's side of the family with. Like why the streets on the north side of town run diagonal to those on the souht side. We're a bunch of annoying as hell historical know-it-alls is what we are... And come next Thanksgiving I shall be the queen! Bwahahaha!!

I don't want

to hear anything more about that unfortunate Thanksgiving when my bandaid somehow ended up in the mashed potatoes: McCormick & Schmick settle condom in chowder lawsuit.

38 Hours, 10 minutes

until I get my Lasik Surgery done. Woohoo!!!

Everyone's a Poindexter

Really, I've been trying to avoid this guy. He reeks of smoke, but what's worse he's a prime example of the PC tech wannabe's we inevitably end up hiring in non-IT departments. They plague us with computer jargon and jokes picked up from years of tearing apart and building their own PC's in Mom's basement and yuk-yuking about their little hobbies in gamer's forums with other socially inept wannabe's. This is why we got our own office. Otherwise they'd try to cozy up with their vast knowledge of DOS programming skills and weasel free software out of us all damned day long. But he managed to sneak into the office with an actual legitimate question and I couldn't avoid him this time. Dammit! Now I'm going to have to start avoiding the lunchroom again or else he's going to imagine a kinship of some sorts and pester me with technical questions and shit about our systems which, even if I knew them (I don't do hardware... ) would force me to pull the "if I told you, I'd have to kill you" cliche because unless rigorously policed (by Todd, thank Maude) these people would run amuck (amuck, amuck) in our systems, testing security and user access at every point and downloading all kinds of shit off the internet, wasting both their time and everyone else's when system resources inevitably slow.

I do feel sorry for these people. Sure they've got some good technical skills but thanks to the current shitty economy are having to find work wherever they can and usually it's *not* where they'd want to be: in I.T. So they end up like Smoky Pete stuck in customer service or accounting salivating at the door to the BatCave every time they walk by, hoping we'll take pity on them and share a little bit of the privileged world we live in. And it is privileged - I know. And I can identify - I was once one of them. I was just lucky enough to actually break into this world and I'm still very grateful for that. But not enough to take pity on the poor bugger. I've worked hard to earn my air of superiority :)

Some Music Critics Get So Vicious!

Curt & I had a wonderful clearing of the air on Friday eve.... and a lovely weekend. I felt much more "connected" to him than I have in awhile. We're getting better at this arguing thing. Our raised & intense voices only scared the cats twice, whereas in the past they would knock each other out bolting for the door. Heh - I wonder if someone could make a go of using "pet therapy" for couples counseling. It would definitely teach people to moderate their "tone" if they had to keep a kitty happily purring in their laps whilst discussing how the secretary's undies got under the seat of the Mercedes.

Cleo, especially is very sensitive to sound/tone. She's the reason I gave up playing my flute. I can't tell if she likes it or hates it but every time I play she comes running and tries to rub up against my face/ hands, purring like a diesel engine and knocking my instrument from my mouth/ out of my hands. Sometimes she even bites my cheek. So to avoid possible dental damage and disfigurement I don't subject her to it very often. You'd think if it hurt her ears she'd run outside to get away, don't you? Another theory is she thinks I'm hurting when I do it. I can elicit a similar response by high pitched crying, and Curt's gotten it by whistling. Just freaky. But if Curt really wants me to start playing again he's going to have to provide better interference.

Cabin Fever

The weather's finally breaking a bit today. I actually chained up and went into work around 11:00. Came home around 5. Broke one chain on the way home. I'm not sure how bad - hope not enough to keep me home again tomorow. I hate to say it but it felt good to get out of the house and face the world. I know Curt would be happy as a clam homebound 24/7 so long as he had groceries and supplies. Not me. I wish I could say we had a wonderful little bonding experience being stuck together for the majority of the last week but I can't. I just couldn't help feeling antsy and restless, which didn't exactly make me a joy to cohabitate with. It was probably like being stuck with a surly child. No cable, no Netflix movie, no books... if it weren't for the computer I'd've gone nuts. I think he got frustrated with my reluctance to pass the time instead having deep philosophical conversations with him. At one point he specifically asked me to tell him about something "controversial" we could talk about. But ya' know, it just felt like I was being baited - kind of like he was bored and thought getting me all riled up on my soapbox like a performing monkey might be rather amusing; and I wasn't in the mood to beat my head against the wall explaining my seemingly annoying political/ historical beliefs to him. Besides which I'm kind of going through an apathetic phase myself right now where I'm more of the same "fuck 'em all - let's just nuke the bastards" frame of mind that he usually espouses and therefore was not in the mood to disgust myself talking about shit that's probably never going to change.

So we ended up talking about death instead. What we want in our wills, how we want to be buried/ burned, where to scatter the ashes. Pleasant, huh? So for some odd reason I'm feeling a little depressed tonight. There are other factors. You'd think most young newly-weds who were supposedly trying to have a baby would jump at the chance of getting some enforced alone time and never leave the bedroom. Nope. Once again I'm getting shot down every time I initiate sex and it's starting to get a little old. Curt seems to be having this irrational fear that all I want sex for is for his little swimmers. Sure, that's *one* of the reasons I'm asking but ya' know - a girl just wants an orgasm periodically, too. And some snuggle/intimate lovey-dovey time with her honey. What's so wrong with killing two birds with one stone??

We have very different ways of de-stressing and unwinding. I've got to shut down my brain with mindless entertainment. T.V., books, computer games. He hates these things. He enjoys sitting in front of a fire listening to music. Or talking. It would be OK if he would just let me do my thing while he did his... but he can't. If I partake of my favorite veg-out activities he feels like I'm abandoning him. He then complains that I'm ignoring, or worse yet - annoying him. So then I've got to give up my de-stressing to soothe him - which makes me feel resentful because *my* needs aren't being met. Then if he deigns to allow me to watch T.V., it can't be anything that *really* annoys him, no matter how much *I* want to see the stupid show. So this entire week I've had no outlet to relieve *my* stress, not even sex.

So I'm laying in bed tonight not being able to shut off my brain and decide to get up & take a Benadryl to help me sleep. I try to sneak out of bed, gently close the door so as not to disturb him, but them I'm fucking *forced* to wake him up by opening the hall closet door (outside the bedroom) because he got annoyed at my keeping all my meds in the fucking kitchen last week and in a pique threw them all in the closet. I hear a grumpy-ass "what the hell are you doing?" and you could probably see the steam coming out of my ears. He won't even remember in the morning.

It's like when we have spare time, we both have very different ideas about the best way to spend it - and that's where all the tension comes in. Then, it feels like I get punished for there being tension. I am denied sex. He makes sport of my emotions. I've been feeling like a caged animal this week and it doesn't help when he starts verbally "poking" me to get a fucking reaction. It's almost worse that I know he's not really serious when he does it, because it just seems to prove that *my* peace of mind is so trivial to him that he has no qualms using it as a plaything when he gets bored.

I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion but I'm needing to vent to try to figure out the problem. I don't know exactly what's wrong, but something is. When you get to the point where your initial reaction to anything the other person says is "Bite me!" something 's not quite right. He's an incredibly sweet, considerate and sensitive man in so many ways. So very thoughtful about all kinds of ways he can make me happy. Getting me a temporary hose and adaptor to fit on the sink so I can have a hot bath (our tub faucet is broken). Ordering me acne-treatment products from an infomercial. Sending sweet, cute little emails to me all day. It's just this one little area that worries me. Hopefully we'll find a way to compromise in the future without pissing one another off too much in the process.

Thesaurus Drive for Local Media

Aside from a somewhat normal day yesterday we're still in lockdown. They were forecasting this really bad storm to come in starting Sun night. Ma Nature, however has her own schedule and we didn't get it until this morning. We got maybe 4 inches of snow since about 3 am, now the freezing rain is upon us. The Pineapple Express (progenitor of all good NW winter storms) is cranked up & running full bore, but right now it's hitting this stubborn arctic mass that's settled in the Portland area being judiciously re-enforced by a frigid supply line called The Columbia River Gorge.

Now if I was just able to accurately describe our chilly current events without ever using the word "cold" (as above) you'd think your professional journalism team might be able to do the same. But no. Casulaties of mass media, I suppose... you turn on the telly and every other word out of every journalists's mouth is "it's cold here"!! As evidenced by the handy-dandy thermometer they're clutching in glove-lined hands.

I was feeling a tad guilty for not even attempting to make it in to work this morning (I probably could have made it with chains) but was more concerned about the freezing rain with the evening commute. We really have no idea how long the icy shit is going to last before it turns to good ole, familiar rain. So I'm sitting here at home with Bolero cranked up on my stereo, Kittlin nestled behind me on the computer chair; Ozzie settled atop the shef, Jack hangin out either under the bed or in teh basement and Jinx & Cleo splitting their time between the fire and dining room, where they're supervising Curt's stuffing of envelopes. A nice cozy family day at home.

So far Curt & I have managed not to tear each others' throat out due to the enforced proximity. I guess that's a good sign. He really is something special, and I know I don't tell him that nearly enough.

Finally, Sight for Sore Eyes

I went to my free consultation at the K&M lasik clinic in Vancouver, WA this week. I'm really hoping the tech's annoying winking habit does not come with the package. They answered all my questions and put not a whit of high pressure on. Bottom line is $499/ eye. I missed the rock-botton $299/eye deal by .50 on my Rx. I asked him how a person's Rx increases their cost to allow them to justify charging more and the guy had no clue. Said it's the same procedure regardless - apparently they can just get away with charging the most to people who need it the most. Same old same ole' capitalist shit. But hey, at least they were honest about it. So I've scheduled the surgery for 2 weeks. If all goes well I won't have to wear these fucking dirty glasses for at least 10 years. Yay!!!

Had trouble sleeping last night. Things just seemed "wrong". Then I think I figured out what it was - the snow. We were in winter weather lockdown all day & I didn't go anywhere in the car; and there was no traffic going by on the road. It was freakishly quiet. We're to get more snow this weekend. Provided the weight doesn't bring down any trees or cause any structural damage to the house it's really quite nice. Curt & I aren't quite at each other's throats yet. The aminals love it. Kittlin finally figured out how to use the kitty door and goes out to play in it every hour or so then comes back in to crap out.

Maybe there's hope!

Well, there was a different ad in the paper last week for these Lasik guys in Vancouver, WA. I think they may be the ones my doc warned me about, who were offering cheap rates on obsolete equipment, but I'm going to a consultation tomorow anyway. They at least have the more state of the art stuff available but presumably at a higher price. But if their higher price for new equipment is still less than what I'd have to pay going to Canada it may well be worth it. No class action suit against them so far that I can see and our realtor's sister had it done there & is ecstatic. Though I admit I was rather looking forward to the trip to Vancouver BC to have it done.

We had a lovely Christmas down at Mom's. Though Curt annoyed Ty's Mother in Law slightly with his remarks about religion. She runs a little church-based school. Ty asked me to ask Curt to "lay off". BUt I said fuck it. I'm not going to ask him to censor his speech for anyone and what's Christmas without some traditional religion-bashing? I know - not very Zen of me but I'm sick of suppressing my opinions in the interest of not causing offense. If they can't handle a little bit of heathen skepticism then they're obviously not very secure in their thinking.

But there is hope that people are starting to question long-held Biblical truths, especially as regards Biblical portrayals of woman and women's "proper role" in society, which is my main beef with the Church (apart from the troublesome God thing). Ty & his wife & MIL were gaga over a book, the "Da Vinci Code" that was also mentioned in the Cosmic Log this week. I'd seen a thread about the book over on the Ms boards a few months ago but some people panned it as "interesting, but not very feminist" on the grounds that the lead female characters weren't well developed. So I haven't read it yet, but after listening to my dear sexist brother gush over it it's bringing me hope.

Feminists have been saying Mary Magdalene, Eve and other Biblical women were given a bad rap and that the early Church intentionally interpreted/ edited the documents that made up the Bible to institutionalize their cultural mistreatment of women for decades, but now that message is finally making it into the mainstream. If this book and recent cable-channel-based documentaries that present revisionist versions of history are any indication, then maybe that feminist message is finally being heard. Woohoo!!!

DJ's Selling Out

I heard one of those testimonial ads from the DJ on the radio at work this morning for the crappy Lasik Vision Institute I mentioned last week. I was so pissed I sent him an email. Here's what I got:

Kelli~
Thanks for your concern about the Lasik Vision Institute. I actually had the procedure done and I have been very happy with the results. I don't wish to defend the company. I know that they came to us looking for someone to have the surgery done and then to talk about it on the air. That is the extent of my involvement with the company. I am very thrilled about everything that has happened for me. I can see awesome right now without glasses and that's a big bonus for me. Happy Holidays to you and your family....oh, and thanks for listening!
Jeff

Yeah, you bastard you got to have it done FOR FREE!!!! Of course you were fucking thrilled with the results! I hate it when my favorite radio personalities sell out like this. Last time it was the LA Weight Loss center. Just pisses me off to hear 'em droning on and on ad nauseum about how "terrific" the service/ product in question is when they didn't have to go through the fucking high pressure sales torture experience or pay thru the nose for the service. Maybe when I hear one say "I personally paid $1000's and it was worth EVERY PENNEY!!" I'll waste half a brain cell to actually consider what they're selling.

So fuck you Jeff!! I'm still going to Canada (have heard more stories of friends-of-friends who have done that very happily).

Mystery of the Shoe Debris

The Kittlin has a shoe fetish. Not only does he greatly enjoy laying on top of our shoes but also sticking his little head down inside. Jinx, on the other hand does not chew shoes (thank Maude) but has a wood/woodproducts fetish.

These seemingly unrelated fetishes would appear to have nothing in common if it weren't for the human element in the house. Namely, Curt's love of popsicles and my tendency to leave shoes around. So the other day Curt & I are laying in bed when we witness the solution to the greatest mystery to hit our home since the racoon invasion: how do our shoes seem to magically aquire popsicle debris down by the toes?

Curt eats popsicle. Gives popsicle to Jinx. Jinx chews up popsicle stick and leaves on floor. Kittlin finds chewed sticks and drags them to any available empty shoe laying around and deposits them way down by the toes therein, for I (or Curt) to discover the next time we put them on.

Watching this little kitten drag a popsicle stick across the room and finagle it down inside the shoe was the most hysterical thing we've seen in ages. He was so fucking intent! We have no idea what his motive is but it occurs to me that if we could harness & better focus this packrat ability we might not need to get that roomba robotic vacuum I'm been eyeing.....It's too bad we already fixed the little guy or maybe we could breed a whole herd of housecleaning felines.

Too Good to Be True

Shit. Just came across this warning about the place I'm looking to get the surgery done. I'm printing off a copy to take to the consultation tomorow in case they try any of this same bullshit with me. Maybe I'll go somewhere else. Damn Damn Damn. Let's see - FTC Investigations for false/ fraudulent advertising, an "unsatisfactory" rating by the BBB and a class action suit by former patients for injuries and false advertising. Investigations by ABC and former national medical directors quitting in disgust. Do I really want to trust my eyes to this kind of an outfit???? I don't know.

The best laser surgery center here is the Casey Eye Institute up at the Oregon Health Sciences University. $1600/ eye. But then there's Canada.... which was kind of my plan for awhile. The Lasik Eye Centre in Vancouver BC specifically: $1,990 USD for BOTH eyes.. You can even get a special overnight hotel package that can be included in the price of the procedure. woohoo!! First, you get the benefit of favorable exchange rate (saving $$); then you get the benefit or more advanced technology, due to the lack of US FDA ass-dragging on approval; and probably more importantly the benefit of experience. The Canadians have been doing it much longer than their US counterparts; and I can have my pre and post operative screening and care done by my optometrist.

There's a $3k cap on what I can withold on teh Flexplan, and the Canadian procedure would fall well under that (even including travel expenses).

Can They Really Heal the Blind?

I might be getting laser surgery!!

I'm so excited!!! Saw this ad in the Sunday papers for $299 per eye but you have to get the surgery done in the next 30 days. As it so happens I'm setting up my flexplan right now so can set the $$ aside to have it done after the 1st of the year. I go in tomorow morning to the clinic for my consultation.

I went to my optometrist this afternoon for my independent consultation to make sure I was a good candidate and I AM!!: -2 and -1.5 with a slight astigmatism. I love this doc. I think he teaches at the local health sciences school & he basically keeps up an ongoing "lecture" on the technical jargon when you're talking to him. I never really understand him but for some reason his nerdy murmering comforts me. You can really tell he *loves* his field.

He says he saw the same ad in the paper and is really curious to see how it goes. He's never heard of this clinic - they're new to town (but claim to be the largest provider of Lasik in the world (Lasik Vision Institute). He said it looks like they're offering the special deal to initial customers in the area to drum up good word of mouth, then they'll raise the rates in a month.

The specific laser they're running the special on is a Nidek EC-5000; which he says is the newest, top-of-the-line laser. Much much safer than the older Exemer (sp?) lasers that would require several minutes per eye. These are on and off your eye in 30 seconds and come in from the side, not straight in so there's less chance of permanent retinal damage. He said they sound like a good outfit - unlike some other doc in Vancouver who is also offering great deals but using an old, nearly obsolete laser.

We'll see what they say tomorow - but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm so stoked! I've had glasses/contacts since I was 16.

Too Many Chiefs

My co-worker Shelly(I think that's the alias I settled on) has decided to bite the bullet and actually fulfill her currently empty title of IT Supervisor, because Jan basically told her she had to use it or lose it. Jan's going on vacation for 2 weeks over Christmas and I suspect what happened was she was basically going to put me in charge (at least that's what I'm feeding my ego) because of Shelly's abysmal attendance record unless she stepped up.

I am not pleased. Mostly because Jan did not prepare me of the change in roles before Shelly started to severely curtail my previous freedom and I didn't take it well. Don't worry - I recovered quickly before doing any permanent damage but not before Shelly felt the need to bring out the "you're being argumentative" stick. The thing is - she's 5 years younger than I am (and I'm not that old), doesn't have a degree (she's going to school now for it) and has basically no other corporate experience outside of this company (besides being an asst. mgr in retail and a short stint as a cook in the navy). But she has seniority here and had become a supervisor in one of the customer service dept's before moving into the IT dept, a couple of years before I came along. We get along great on a personal level but professionally there's some tension because we're in similar roles which does put us in competition. I want & need supervisory experience - it's the next step for me, career wise. Yeah, I want her title, dammit!

The thing is - there's only 3 of us in the dept. (+ Jan, the mgr) so there's really not much to "supervise" beyond hours of attendance & schedules. Well, I take it back - there could be more to supervise but I'll be damned if I'm going to let her evaluate my performance and approve my raises or tell me what to do on a daily basis. Which is what I told Jan today when I finally got 5 minutes alone with her to get the scoop on what's going on.

My little paranoid mind had of course suspected that perhaps after our recent misunderstanding Jan had decided she couldn't deal with me and asked Shelly to step up on that score, but after our chat today I'm confident that's not it. It had nothing to do with me - contrary to my egomaniacal view of the universe. So maybe there's no need to go looking for a new job quite yet. Though I know there's going to be some turbulence as we try to find the line as to where Shelly's authority over me begins and ends.

Elvis Has Left The Building

I promised to give my favorite minor Greek Goddess, Echidne of the snakes: Sigh some airplay so she'll get a boost in blog ranking. Good luck!

Sad update on the "mom's new puppy" front. I don't even know how to write this - it's just too damned tragic for words. Basically, while hanging Christmas garlands on a window, Mom stepped right on little Elvis (her new Maltese puppy) who was sleeping under a blanket on a big chair. 18 hours of intense ICU at the vet later he passed on due to his injuries. Mom, of course was totally devestated. She had to take 2 days of bereavement time at work. I feel so abominally crappy for her - but on the other hand, I'm thinking "Mom - get a clue... Youve had 4 dogs lost or killed in the last 2 years. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something??"
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Moving on the thought has crossed my mind recently that in general people attribute much more intelligence to their fellow humans than they have any right to deserve. Really - think about it. We accuse other people of plotting and conspiring and manipulating to incredible degrees, when the truth of the matter is, unless you're a contestant of Survivor nobody has the time or mental accuity to actually spend hours rubbing mental hands together thinking "how can I screw xxxx ???" Basically, everyone operates from a standpoint of simple self-preservation and self-aggrandizement, and unless you *are* stranded on a deserted island totally removed from the hustle & bustle and pressure of everyday life, nobody has the mental energy to spare trying to think beyond how they're going to get a paycheck, buy groceries and run their kids all over town. I don't think that changes as people get richer and more powerful.

Administrative note: It's occurred to me that anyone running a google search on any of the names I've used here could find my blog and shatter my illusion of anonymity, so I've changed the names of coworkers and companies to cover my own ass.

In other news, grass is green and water is wet

Pentagon Audit Finds Halliburton Overcharged (Veep Dick Cheney's old company). In other news, grass is green and water is wet! What's more surprising, however is that someone at the Pentagon actually had the balls to audit those cushy post-Iraq oil contracts. How in the hell did that happen??

Forget Waldo - Where's Ernestine the Operator???

I'm off to pick up Dad's bronco, full of guaranteed creosote-free wood after work.

Do you ever get that little tickle at the back of your head when you know there's a possible incredible, groundshaking, earth shattering concept that could blast open the doors of personal wealth and power if you just knew how to capitalize on it? I'm getting one of those about the concept expressed in the Cluetrain Manifesto. I've barely begun to read it but the intro struck me:
"A powerful global conversation has begun. Through the Internet, people are discovering and inventing new ways to share relevant knowledge with blinding speed. As a direct result, markets are getting smarter—and getting smarter faster than most companies.
These markets are conversations. Their members communicate in language that is natural, open, honest, direct, funny and often shocking. Whether explaining or complaining, joking or serious, the human voice is unmistakably genuine. It can't be faked.
Most corporations, on the other hand, only know how to talk in the soothing, humorless monotone of the mission statement, marketing brochure, and your-call-is-important-to-us busy signal. Same old tone, same old lies. No wonder networked markets have no respect for companies unable or unwilling to speak as they do.
But learning to speak in a human voice is not some trick, nor will corporations convince us they are human with lip service about "listening to customers." They will only sound human when they empower real human beings to speak on their behalf."

Especially after being on the fucking phone for 39 minutes yesterday just trying to figure out how to get a real, live person on the phone at my mortgage company. Their automated phone tree directed me to their website, but I had a question *about* the services on their website (i.e. - it wasn't really clear where they did or did not charge a $11.99 fee for making an online payment)... which itself directed me to call the customer service line with questions. . Made me feel like that guy in Greek mythology who is doomed to push a boulder up a mountain only to have a huge bird eviscerate him at the top... oh wait... was it the guy who is surrounded by a lake which disappears every time he tries to bend his head to drink? Am I crossing my mythologies? Either way I feel like I'm in some 7th Hell reliving Howard Jones' old 80's song "No one is to Blame"

It's become kind of a game for me - calling automated phone trees and pushing 0 or * or # at every possible menu option to see which cyber rabbit hole will get me to a real, live breathing person who can actually answer my question. When I was at InHell we had a similar phone tree, so I know first hand what demented minds get off running callers through it like fucking rats in a maze. And Maude forbid you actually have a question that the designer *did not* anticipate in their automated script.

So anyway, I think these cluetrain manifesto authors are really on to something - it just feels a little too enormous for me to put a finger on... but some lucky SOB will understand completely and be the next Jeff Bezos. I tell 'ya if I had a few mill laying around I'd buy a phone, mortgage, insurance or utility company and promise to never.fucking.install an automated phone system.

Beware Dads Bearing Gifts: May Be Hazardous To Your Health

My poor, darling, dysfunctional Dad did it again. A few weeks ago he moved his sailboat up to the St. Helens marina - and told us that there was a pile of free wood by the marina parking lot. This weekend he said it was still there and was kind enough to loan us the Bronco and his chain saw to go get it. He said it was river logs - the kind of stuff he used to fish out of the river and burn on the houseboat all the time. He warned us it might have metal spikes in it, so to be careful.... We drive all the way out there on Saturday, find the stuff and start sawing it into manageable chunks and throwing it in the back. There were metal spikes and staples in some of it - we avoided it. But they were clearly old pilings and wood that had been ripped up from a dock. On the way home I mention to Curt how bad the tar smells - I ask if he thinks it's OK to burn the tar... he says sure, no problem and I think "Dad said this is the same stuff he used to burn... he wouldn't suggest I burn anything toxic..." and put it out of my mind. I should fucking know better by now, because today Pop calls to ask how the wood is burning.

Me: "We burned a log last night. Burns kind of slow but good"

Dad: "well yeah, it's waterlogged"

Me: "I know - but Curt says the tar will counter the water - tar burns fast, water slows it down...."

Dad: "Wait - there's tar on it?"

Me: "Well yeah - the logs look like they were soaked in it - it reaked on the way home"

Dad: "That's not tar... it's creosote! But there shouldn't be any creosote on it unless they're pilings or something"

Me: "Well yeah, Dad they *were* pilings - obviously so. Metal spikes just like you said. Didn't you check it out before telling us about it?"

Dad: "Oh shit! I didn't know they were old pilings! Obviously I didn't look at it closely enough... I didn't think about it. If I'd have known they were pilings I'd have never had you go get it! You can't burn that! Creosote is cancerous!"

Me: "Gee, thanks, pop! So you think that might explain why this great free wood was still sitting there 3 weeks later, especially in a rural town like St. Helens where everybody heats with wood?"

Dad: "Yeah, I thought it was kind of odd. I didn't think about that... I guess I just wan't thinking. I thought it was a lot of that driftwood that just floats down the river. I'll find you guys some more wood to replace it. I don't want you burning that".

Curt was at first skeptical - did not want to look free wood in the mouth. But the above website convinced him we shouldn't burn it. I called a guy at the state DEQ's special woodstove dept. just to be sure. Amazingly enough in this day of budget cuts I actually got ahold of a real, live knowledgeable PERSON within 5 minutes!!! who told me that yeah, it's toxic though there is a chance it *might* be safe depending on the saturation density and temperateure it's burning at.... but he would treat it like hazardous waste.

I love my father but honest to Pete *every* single time he tries to help he ends up fucking up! It was the same with the wedding photos. If I had a buck for every time I heard him yell at my brother Ty that "You're just not thinking, kid!" when we were children I'd be a rich woman - and the irony fucking kills me. It's obviously genetic - Dad NEVER thinks things through before he jumps in with both feet. Doesn't think about how his actions will make people feel, or what he's committing you to without your approval, or what the consequences are going to be. He's like a lost little puppy that's so damned HAPPY to be of service that he pisses all over himself in the process.

He's offered to help around the house with some plumbing and electrical projects we need done - and damned if I'm not scared to death he's going to burn the house down or flood it in his eagerness. But helping makes him so happy!

We were both feeling a little ill last night - exhaustion and soreness and congestion. I'm wondering now if it was the wood we burned and not just a bug. Maude save us from relatives with good intentions.....

Duelling carols

We had duelling Christmas CD's on today -mine in the living room, Curt's in the laundry room. I'd add something more profound but I'm getting the guilt treatment for not doing the dishes (or anything else) today. I've been sitting on my lazy ass watching TV and listening to music, reading the paper and surfing the net while Curt's been busy as a bee cleaning and organizing and in general being the best house husband ever. Smartest thing I ever did was marry that man!

What's Next? Ads in the Litter Box?

The Kittlin had discovered the computer. He's quite fascinated by the animated banner ads at the top of the web pages, it's so cute!. I don't think the net advertisers had quite his demographic in mind - 4 months old, black feline. If I start seeing ads for Petsmart pop up and links to kitty porn though I'll start to worry.

Margaret Cho Rowks!

I wrote a letter to Margaret Cho yesterday with the same thoughts I expressed here. Even if I post them anywhere I can nobody gives a flying fuck what I think. But Margaret - she gets invited to debate Falwell on MSNBC. I was only hoping to give her a little more ammo next time she's in front of a national audience, but didn't even think she'd read my letter. She not only DID, but she LIKED IT and her manager emailed me to "thank me for the beautiful letter", asking if Margaret could PUBLISH it on her blog!!! How cool is that????

Founding Fathers were NOT Christian (most of 'em anyway)...

Damn it I lost my draft! Here's it in a nutshell:

Laughing gas goooood - will look forward to going to dentist in the future. Don't know why they don't sell this in bars. All the fun of getting drunk but it's out of your system 5 minutes after you quit inhaling it, with no hangover!!!!

We got our Christmas tree last night - just a little one for a table top. Will finish setting up and decorating as soon as Curt gets a tree stand that will work with the small diameter of the trunk. Must be stable enough to withstand Mach 3 Kittlin attacks.....

Had a nice chat with my brother. He finally informs me that yes, he *does* plan on coming back to the NW periodically to visit after relocating to Houston with his new wife (as soon as the Coast Guard will transfer him). Contrary to all other recent rants, he doesn't hate all that is Oregon - just the political & educational system. Whatever. Though I was cringing when he was trying to convince me that the Shrub is obviously more intelligent than your average millworker just because he went to college and somehow became President. He's under the misunderstanding that politicians are smarter than the rest of us. How the fuck did that happen?

All of this rhetoric regarding the "10 Commandments Judge" in Alabama and the Shrubites professing that "America is A Christian Nation founded on Christian Ideals" has been pissing me off lately, and I finally did some research and identified why. The Fucking Founding Fathers were NOT Christian! They were Deists, dammit! (That may need to be a bumper sticker). I mean I knew Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were Deists but I didn't realize that ALL SIX of the first six presidents, were too. George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe and John Q. Adams Jr. were all Deists, as were later Presidents John Tyler, Millard Filmore, Abraham Lincoln and William Taft. Besides Franklin, other non-Presidential revolutionary figures who happened to be Deist were Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Paine, Ethan Allen and two other framers of the Constitution, Hugh Williamson and James Wilson.

That's a pretty damned big chunk of "Founding Fathers" who did NOT believe the laws of our new country should be based on the Bible, or any other "manual" espoused by any organized religion. They confirmed this specifically in 1797 when America made a treaty with Tripoli , declaring that "the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." This reassurance to Islam was written under Washington's presidency, and approved by the Senate under John Adams.

Mom's Pet Cemetary

Got my hair cut yesterday - I'm not sure if I like it or not. I threatened to shave it all off but Curt called my bluff, citing how much $$ we'd save. "You could just tell people you're Buddhist, honey!"

I go to the dentist in 30 minutes. I'm dreading it a bit. There's the one tooth the other dentist filled in July that was so close to the nerve it could maybe use a root canal; then the crown the new dentist says needs replaced - both on the left lower jaw. But this last week my right side has been killing me - sometimes upper, sometimes lower - and according to the new dentist there weren't any unfilled cavities over there. I suspect he's wrong.

Cleo is not a happy camper since she's been confined to quarters. I'be been taking her out in the yard for supervised potty breaks under her favorite shrubs morning and night, but I don't know how much longer she'll be satisfied with that before she catches on that she won't get to STAY outside and starts bolting the minute I set her down. As soon as she does, I think I'll need to invest in a kitty leash. The horror, the indignity!!!

Mom is now up to her 4th dog in 2 years down in Florence. A Maltese puppy to replace Cappy, who took off one day a couple of weeks ago when Bill had her off her leash down on the dunes, never to be seen or heard from again. Jinx was devestated when we went down for the weekend - she missed her best friend.

I don't get it. It's a TOY puppy for cryin' out loud! That aint a real dog! If you want a lapwarmer you've already got 4 cats!! What's the point? She says she wanted a dog that Bill can't take to the beach. Understandable - Cappy was a replacement for Willard, the Black Lab/ Great Dane dog that ran off when Bill was crabbing... hmmmm I'm sensing a pattern here. If I didn't know Bill loved those damned dogs so much I might be suspicious. I really do feel sorry for him, he must feel like total shit, losing *two* dogs. We've offered to let Jinx stay down there for extended visits - Bill adores her, she adores him. He's retired, she's not left all alone all day.... honestly if it weren't for this cumbersome habit of losing dogs alltogether we might just give her to him out of guilt. I know it's not that he abuses them or anything. I think it's just lack of discipline and his letting 'em run loose in areas where he can't chase 'em down when they get stubborn and don't want to come when called (like the scrub brush).

Mom says

Mom says that no, penicillin comes from bread not oranges and yes, yes I am a paranoid freak before launching into her "why didn't you call me the second you got home last night"? spiel. Could be paranoia is genetic, methinks.

Note To Self: Clean Your Desk More Often

Did you know rotting oranges smell like acetone? I didn't! But I do now!!!

So isn't that mold on oranges actually Penicillin? Aren't I allergic to Penicillin? Just freakin' a little bit 'cuz when I grabbed the bag with the moldy orange in it a little green cloud exploded from it. I'm a paranoid freak is what I am. But I've still got a call into Mom just to be on the safe side....

Duelling Pissmonsters at Dawn

My desk reaks of chemicals - like fingernail polish and I can't find the source. I suspect the new liquid bandage stuff I bought at RiteAid a few weeks ago. Think clear nail polish with an antiseptic in it - but the lid is tightly sealed. It's driving me nuts. I mean if it *had* spilled the smell would dissipate, wouldn't it?

Anyway - had a nice Turkey Day at Dad's though big surprise, my dear brother wasn't able to make it. Then we went to Mom's on the coast for the rest of the weekend. Nice and relaxing after the stressful week I've had. We came home, however to our neighbor, Montel banging on the door demanding satisfaction for his neurotic cat, who has apparently been traumatized beyond tolerance by my sweet, toothless calico Cleo. She goes over there and actually tries to get into their house, even though their cat has made it crystal clear she does not want to share her abode. I have no idea what the attraction is but suspect it's the lure of the forbidden. They certainly haven't been overly friendly to her. Maybe that's the problem - she can't stand to have people not like her? Montel did not find my suggestion that they may have better catfood very amusing. Sometimes I don't think they have a sense of humor. That seems to be the case with most devout Christians I meet, though.

So I taped up the catdoor with cardboard and confined Cleo to her quarters for the duration. I fully expect to feel her wrath in the coming days. It's her own damned fault! We've got a wonderful yard, empty lot in the back and plenty of house for her to call home - she has no need to try to annex their house, as well! If she does manage to slip out we gave them full permission to make it as unpleasant for her as possible - including turning a hose on her if necessary.