Circle of Smirk

Yes, I've been a very bad, bad blogger. In my defense I *have* had several "hey that's kind of an interesting thought - I should blog that!" instances in the last week; but I just never quite had the gumption to set them down. So you'll have to make do with some general "what's going on in my life right now" musings instead.

We had a gorgeous 80 degree Easter weekend. Brunch @ Dad's - then we attended a spur of the moment BBQ with my bro, Kyle* & his wife Beth* and my bro’s best old friend Barry* and his wife Judith* that evening. Now, Barry’s never really been a friend of mine – in fact, quite the contrary as I found out when he reminisced about throwing one of my romantical Kah-Nee-Ta conquests up against the wall to warn him against ‘dating’ me. Having one over protective big brother interfering with my love life was bad enough – I certainly didn’t need his friends jumping on the bandwagon, too. But I got my revenge a year later by sleeping with Kyle’s new best friend when my best friend Karen* and I visited him in Maui. Yeah, I still remember that vacation very fondly. I got a little revenge against Barry the other night, too by mentioning a mutual friend of his & Kyle’s who Barry had at one time been dating – then later had an affair with while he was dating Judith; after she’d given him 2 illegitimate kids. Had she not been present; and were we not wanting him to do some electrical work for us I might have twisted that knife a little deeper by mentioning the *ahem* “premature” aspects of that illicit relationship that I was made privy too by that mutual friend.

But that would just be cruel. Right now I’m feeling more that a little sorry for the guy. When Kyle had talked about Barry before he’d always talked about how well he was doing. Making lots of “bank” as an electrician – buying his own house and having lots of toys (of the all-terrain variety). Needless to say this rankled me quite a bit as Barry was always viewed by our family (and the community in general) as a bit of a loser; who would never amount to anything. I, on the other hand was the prodigal child who everyone Expected Great Things Of. So from where I stood (in a 670 sq ft apartment making at most half of what Barry was bringing in) it wasn’t quite right. Yeah, it’s petty I know. So I was reassured a few weeks back when Kyle & Beth revealed that life with Barry wasn’t all it’d been cracked up to be. Their house, according to K & B was a bit of a shithole and though Barry’s wife was a SAHM; so disgusting they couldn’t stand to spend more than a couple of hours there visiting. Granted - I've been a card-carrying member of the slob brigade myself for most of my life but the petty, small, jealous part of myself that I'm in no way proud of was curious to see how bad life was like for the old Barryman - in order to, yes - once again feel superior.

So off to Barry's we went and as slovenly as their house was, my much anticipated air of superiority was tainted by the realization that for Barry & Judith - life ended after kids. Barry lives in a perpetual twilight world of "remember when I kicked so & so's ass?" and I can't really tell when Judith ever had a life aside from him & the kids. A fun evening for them is sitting on the porch, drinking beer and smoking, maybe sitting in the hot tub overlooking the trailer park next door and making fun of the inhabitants. Helloooo….. you’ve got a split level ranch in serious need of repair and weird bacteria/hairbunny/toothpaste spit mutant colonies growing in the corners of your bathroom. WTF are you so proud of?

But everyone needs someone to feel superior over. Barry has the trailer park dwellers, I have Barry – shit the trailer dwellers probably gloat over what they perceive as my shitty life, so I guess it’s just the circle of smirk in action.

Disappointed as I may be at times that I’m not a svelte high powered attorney; corporate executive or best selling author (as I fully expected to be when in high school), if nothing else I can say I *lived* before I settled down, dammit! Shit – I still do – and fully expect that to continue if/when we have kids. Both Curt & I still have hopes and dreams that we’re working towards. We take some pride (though definitely not arrogance) in our house, and invest sweat and money into making it nicer than it was when we bought it. And probably most important – we continue to have little adventures in life, giving us ample post-high school stories for BBQ consumption. And the thing is – I’m sure they do have plenty of stories from their life after turning 21 – what’s sad, I think is that they’re more proud of the people they were and the lives they led before then.