Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Emotional Rollercoasters

Sorry  I haven’t been posting much, I had a little scare this week and was a bit preoccupied.  Some bleeding, to be precise which had me totally convinced I was miscarrying, up all night terrified to go to the bathroom to see if there was MORE blood on the way, and bewailing the loss of a child I hadn’t even met yet.  But even more scary – amongst all the despair and fear was some relief, too.  That I wouldn’t have to go through with this, after all.  That the nausea and exhaustion would quickly dissipate and leave me the same old person I always was, free of worries about breastfeeding and genetic screenings and projectile baby diarrhea. 
So a few days have passed, everyone I talk to from online support buddies to OB nurses to dear Mom tells me that some bleeding during the 1st trimester is very common (especially after sex) and that I have nothing to worry about, especially if I’m still experiencing pregnancy symptoms.  So yes, the nausea is still there, my left boob felt like it was on fire last night and I’m still exhausted, so that leads me to believe them.  The nurse I spoke to on Monday, and the one I met with yesterday at the OB clinic aren’t concerned at all.  They didn’t offer an ultrasound or examine me or anything.  By this time I’m reasonably sure it was a false alarm but Curt was still tripping out – afraid to work the late evenings he’s supposed to be doing to finish this job for his new boss and leave me alone.   I had a couple of piss-on-a-stick tests left from the 3 pack I’d bought so I took another one just to be sure.  Yep, still very much prego.  He was much reassured by this.  All hail the psychological power of the piss-on-a-stick!!! 
OTOH Mom is of the opinion that they’re a mixed blessing.  Back in her day you didn’t really know if you were pregnant.  After 2 missed periods you could be fairly sure, but you could easily have a miscarriage or some other benign bleeding after the first one and just think you had a light or weird cycle.   But this also made it difficult to determine how far along you were though, too.  Ignorance could well have been bliss, but on the other hand, they also thought it was OK to drink and smoke during pregnancy so it didn’t much matter if you were knocked up or not.  You could still carry on just like you did beforehand.
So now after resigning myself to possibly losing the baby I’m again coming to terms with the idea of “Oh shit, I’m pregnant!” and all that entails (projectile baby diarrhea & all).   Just a note to all you professional and amateur pregnancy  advice-givers out there:  When you TELL somebody that it’s perfectly OK to have sex during pregnancy, you might want to *also* mention that if you do have sex, don’t be alarmed if there’s some bleeding afterwards.  It’s very common.  OK???

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