Computer Says No

Best comedy sketch ever


Brilliant new Business plan #427
Faceless Book.  The antithesis of the "F" word.   Virtual home for Maladjusted Misanthropes. Paid subscription users ($5/ month, I'd say) will be guaranteed to never be served ads.  Never harassed by FB again.  No, you can't have access to my contact list, email history browsing history, GPS locating history, etc. etc,  Never Ask Again.  Ever.  Do Not try to think for me.  Do not integrate rewards in games based on whether you're shared/ like that game with your friends.,   Do not think you know me.  You do not. I am an Enigma wrapped in a riddle driving through life in an invisible Scooby Doo Mystery Machine. 


Maybe you're given an online alias for extra money (like all the villains in Scooby).  Fake history. Fake friends. Fake locale.  As far as FB or other AI predictive social media crap is concerned, my entire online identity will be spoofed!  Bwahaha!!  Better than a fake passport!  Or you could randomly match up people who want to be forgotten and they'd just switch online persona's.  Like two random people meting on a train and conspiring to pretend to kill each other (or others...).  How your Algorithms liking that shit?


Maybe you need 2 or 3 real life referrals from real people (won't call them friends) to get an account.  No automatic email invites.  They give you the URL and a super secret code phrase to sign up.  Terms of Service Agreement will be fairly standard, however any violations of the TOS will result in automatic 30 day suspension.  Second offenses will be a 3 month suspension, PLUS a one month suspension for whichever "notafriend" vouched for your good character/ behavior and gave you the invite.  3rd offense, permanent banning.  Referring "notafriend" will get 3 months suspension.  We're bringing back "shunning", and the secret handshake, y'all.


Will be more like a private community board, or NextDoor, combined with an integrated personal blog.  You can still post updates/messages, photo's, etc.


One of the biggest problems with FB is how everybody is clamoring to be "Liked".  They need to introduce a "DisLike" option.  Like Pandora or Netflix, or even Apps in the app store that you can thumb up/down or save a rating for.  You present me with shit you *think* I might like, so allow me to set you straight.  Right now your only option is to "unfriend" someone if they prove too annoying with the crap they send you.   Rather than block them entirely from your feed..... you need an ability to call them on their bullshit, share your disagreement so they have the opportunity to begin self-censoring if they want to stay I contact with you.


All very do-able, don't you agree?  All rights reserved :)