These have had to have been two of the toughest days of my life. For full details, you can check out my Help I need Asskissing lessons! thread. Basically, my evil plan to make people so scared of me at work that they quit bugging me has backfired dramatically - Jan called me into the office yesterday to tell me that she has received no less than *gasp!* 12 different complaints in the last two weeks from people who are too scared of me to come to me for help! Frankly I'm surprised she hasn't commented on my performance recently before this - I've been overburdened and have been slacking a bit and haven't been motivated to pick up the pace to get caught up, too enamored of just trudging along on the hamster wheel of stress I call my job. I was expecting people to complain - just not about my attitude, and not all at once!
Yesterday's meeting didn't go that well - I was a teary-eyed, sobbing, full on gulping mess and wasn't in my best form. I was feeling attacked and went on the offensive, arguing every single example she gave and defending myself until I was blue in the face. But she did agree to skip the write up in favor noting a verbal warning, so I don't feel that bad for it. I'm sorry but in the end I'm the only advocate I can count on. I'm not going to let myself get dumped on unfairly without putting up a fight. It's just not in my nature.
What truly sucketh was that I felt like she'd gone from ally to adversary in 6 seconds flat. But in today's meeting we worked it all out, I hope and identified where my apparently insane insecurity and paranoia was coming from (I was convinced she was only writing me up to gather ammo for firing me). We also identified ways she unintentionally contributed to the problem so I'm not feeling like I'm being hung out to dry. So I can go home, sex up my baby and catch up on the zzz's I lost last night obsessing over it.
The fucking dog, however has become obsessed wtih my womanly scents again. Maybe coming off b/c is making my smell more alluring - I dunno. She's actually putting all her new-found mental acuity gathered getting treats out of the mental stimulation cube I bought to keep her occupied during the day to use diggin my underoos out of the laundry bag in order to eat the crotches out of them. According to Curt, however she's now gone one step further - she actually got into my nightstand which I must have left cracked open today and killed Barney - my favorite ribbed purple dildo. May we please have a moment of silence for my silicone friend, who was discovered violently dismembered in the living room this afternoon. He will be missed.
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*So long Barney, dear old friend :(
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