Monday, January 26, 2004

Finally, the Grisly Detail

Sorry I haven't written more details before now, but my brain's been stuck on this nauseating tilt-a-whirl of "what if'", "I wonder..."; and " "Maybe I should.." thoughts since my incident with Shelly that had my head spinning so damned much I couldn't sleep. Part of the shock of getting fired was I'd actually called in that morning saying I'd be late so I could get a couple hours of sleep - I'd had none. I'm sure that didn't have anything to do with me getting fired though; and in hindsight I'm kind of glad I made the hatchet crew wait on me. I hope they sat all morning trying to justify their stupidity, agonizing over whether or not they'd done the right thing; and generally feeling shitty for betraying a supposed 'Friend'.

And it was a betrayal. I knew what was up the minute I walked in the office and Shelly said "we need to meet with Jan, NOW" and she wouldn't even let me log in. First words out of Jan's mouth were, "I promised if things ever weren't working out I'd let you know. So I'm letting you know now - we've eliminated your position" blah blah blah. When she had actually promised to let me know ahead of time and allow us both to determine a mutually suitable exit strategy - giving me enough time to find work and wrap up loose ends - document my processes; train others - etc. But no. I still have no idea what I did that was so heinous in her eye that justified her actions - I will never know. I have my suspicons, though (hence the tilt-a-whirl) and what's so very, very sad about all this is every one of the possibilities I can think of is a result of lack of communication and misunderstanding - and could have easily been fixed if she had taken the time to sit down and better define my & Shelly's roles & responsibilities as I had specifically requested 2 or 3 times. But no. She brushed me off saying "we'll deal with any problems when they come up". Last week - they came up and I guess this is how she chose to deal with it.

What broke my heart is it just didn't have to be this way. But I didn't stay broken-hearted long. The more I thought about it the more I realized what a world of hurt they've brought on themselves with this. I have not documented *any* of the regular procedures I do that so many people count on every month; and I've modified or added to any that I inherited, for which there might be documentation. Eventually they'll be able to figure it out - but there's going to be a lot of pissed off people in the meantime.

By Friday night I was pretty well over the shock, and actually started feeling pretty damned happy. I'm enjoying my vacation and already thinking about what to do with this very unexpected opportunity. I'm seriously considering trying to make a go of consulting full time, and am now laying awake thinking about possible markets and who I need to contact to activate my "network" and all that crap. And now, too I don't have much of an excuse not to start that novel I keep threatening to write.

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