What a great birthday present! That's right, I finally got myself a job offer yesterday. I'm thrilled - especially as I'll be making quite a bit more $$ than my previous job, and doing about the same thing. The office is down overlooking the river, almost to downtown. So the commute is easy. Good stable company - they're publically traded and have been in business for 15 years at least. They do Human Resource outsourcing - everything from temp and employment placing to "PEO" (still not sure what that stands for) which is where they 'co-employ' a client's employees and take over everything from payroll to worker's comp to benefits management. They've got about 45 branches - mostly on the West Coast but a dozen or so on the East Coast as well.
Third interview's a charm, I guess! I was pretty proud of myself - I asked for $2k more than I really wanted to sart and they offered me exactly what I was shooting for. I start on Tuesday. But now the Rodney Dangerfield syndrome's setting in - you know, the feeling that there's gotta be something wrong with them if they want to hire me?
Friday, February 27, 2004
Monday, February 23, 2004
Hormones and such
Flea had a great entry about PMS yesterday. It seems like such a silly topic to me somehow . Don't know why that is, really - it *is* a serious condition that can seriously impact the quality of every woman's life (and her family's). But at the same time we women get so pissed when our emotions are so easily dismissed as hormonal in cause that we tend to trivialize that impact.
One of the hardest things about my getting fired is remembering that awful morning with the hatchet squad - all women, all supposedly "sisters" and sleep-deprived and emotionally spent me, totally speechless and empty, defending my emotional outburst of the day before on the bad PMS I'd been getting since coming off b/c. It was my one parting shot, my "last words" and I couldn't come up with anything more grandiose than "it was the PMS". Maude, how pathetic. How unprofessional! But honestly - I'm sure that was it.... so why not own up to it? How else am I supposed to figure out how to not let my hormones control my life except by recognizing it for what it is?
One of the hardest things about my getting fired is remembering that awful morning with the hatchet squad - all women, all supposedly "sisters" and sleep-deprived and emotionally spent me, totally speechless and empty, defending my emotional outburst of the day before on the bad PMS I'd been getting since coming off b/c. It was my one parting shot, my "last words" and I couldn't come up with anything more grandiose than "it was the PMS". Maude, how pathetic. How unprofessional! But honestly - I'm sure that was it.... so why not own up to it? How else am I supposed to figure out how to not let my hormones control my life except by recognizing it for what it is?
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Road Trip!!
Has already come and gone.... but it was lovely while it lasted. We went to the enchanting little Victorian town of Port Townsend up on the Olympic Peninsula over VD Weekend to check out this little house & shack on 2 lots an old family friend of Curt's is offering to sell us at a killer deal... and carry the contract! There are renters in both houses now. The main house is on the national historic register. A small fixer-upper... there'd be room for 3 bedrooms (4 if you included the parlor), with lots of neat architectural interest.... and it might have even made a decent small B&B at some point. But. But, but, but. The current owner would want us to get financing within a year or two so she could get her equity out of it and there's just no way we can do that right now... I'm unemployed and we couldn't get enough rent out of either property to cover the mortgage. The rental market just isn't high enough. And it needs a new roof.... and would need lots of other fixing up... and insurance and taxes... blah blah blah. ***Sigh***. So no go... it just wouldn't make sense unless we were going to move in it ourselves. And I'm not quite ready to relocate.
Friday night we stayed in a wonderful little bed & breakfast and had a late romantic dinner at a local cafe. Which was a good thing because up until then we were both a bit grouchy. We'd missed the turn off from the main hwy to P.T. and ended up going 40 miles out of our way... but in the end it was worth it. Saturday after checking out the property (and scaring the tenants in the process with our lurking) we went on to Port Angeles and stayed the night with my aunt and uncle. Though their saggy uncomfortable guest bed didn't hold a candle to the feather & down dreaminess of the B&B bed; the company was delightful and we had a wonderful visit.
Back home to reality... Jinx hadn't missed us a bit. Our friends S&M had puppysat and they have a slightly stupid and clumsy (but still endearing) Golden Lab male that's only about 6 months older than our pooper pupper. They're best of buddies, though. We were planning to breed them once upon a time in an attempt to create some Chocolate Lab puppies... until his *ahem* not so desireable genetic traits became apparent. He's not too bright, for one. Doesn't even fetch... and he's a Lab!! And he's got some kind of "collapse" syndrome where he just passes out in the middle of running. And bad hips, I think. I'm feeling very snobby but the truth of the matter is he's just *not* good enough for our perfect little girl :)
I got an in-person interview last Friday with the software company I had the phone interview with last week. I'm pretty sure I blew it. Maybe sabotaged it in a not-so subconscious way. I told them the travel wouldn't be a problem, but I think it would. I'd miss my aminals and my honey too much. I got a bad vibe off the one woman who would be my boss - I don't think she liked me very much. And from the looks of the visitor sign-in sheet, there were about a dozen or so interviews before me. But hell, that probably means I'll get an offer. They said they'd call me one way or the other this week.
I'd much prefer this other job I interviewed for last Wednesday. The phone interview went well and on the in-person interview I met with 3 men - the finance manager (who I'd report to); the IT manager (who would handle the hardware side of things, but who I wouldn't report to which would be refreshing) and the General Manager (or President) of the company. Usually they don't waste that kind of time on someone unless they're seriously considering them. I thought all three interviews went rather well and was pretty confident afterwards; but they said they'd call me one way or the other by last Friday and there's still been no word. So I'm about to give up all hope of getting it. It's sad to say but one reason I kind of liked the idea was the fact that I would be reporting to and working most closely with men. I know it's sexist as all hell but the last job with Jan & Shelly just really left a bad stink in my mouth. Sisterhood is all well & good until one sister is deemed a thread by another.... then watch the fuck out! It's like woman feel the need to put on this "cooperative" face; but then when the reality of competition comes along, it's every woman for herself. Which would be fine - I can respect that. If they'd just be fucking honest about it. Men on the other hand can seem to compete against one another (and against women) and still be friendly about it - and most of all, honest. Maybe it's just that I find working with men much simpler, and easier. I know how devious a woman can be - I'm a perfect example!
Friday night we stayed in a wonderful little bed & breakfast and had a late romantic dinner at a local cafe. Which was a good thing because up until then we were both a bit grouchy. We'd missed the turn off from the main hwy to P.T. and ended up going 40 miles out of our way... but in the end it was worth it. Saturday after checking out the property (and scaring the tenants in the process with our lurking) we went on to Port Angeles and stayed the night with my aunt and uncle. Though their saggy uncomfortable guest bed didn't hold a candle to the feather & down dreaminess of the B&B bed; the company was delightful and we had a wonderful visit.
Back home to reality... Jinx hadn't missed us a bit. Our friends S&M had puppysat and they have a slightly stupid and clumsy (but still endearing) Golden Lab male that's only about 6 months older than our pooper pupper. They're best of buddies, though. We were planning to breed them once upon a time in an attempt to create some Chocolate Lab puppies... until his *ahem* not so desireable genetic traits became apparent. He's not too bright, for one. Doesn't even fetch... and he's a Lab!! And he's got some kind of "collapse" syndrome where he just passes out in the middle of running. And bad hips, I think. I'm feeling very snobby but the truth of the matter is he's just *not* good enough for our perfect little girl :)
I got an in-person interview last Friday with the software company I had the phone interview with last week. I'm pretty sure I blew it. Maybe sabotaged it in a not-so subconscious way. I told them the travel wouldn't be a problem, but I think it would. I'd miss my aminals and my honey too much. I got a bad vibe off the one woman who would be my boss - I don't think she liked me very much. And from the looks of the visitor sign-in sheet, there were about a dozen or so interviews before me. But hell, that probably means I'll get an offer. They said they'd call me one way or the other this week.
I'd much prefer this other job I interviewed for last Wednesday. The phone interview went well and on the in-person interview I met with 3 men - the finance manager (who I'd report to); the IT manager (who would handle the hardware side of things, but who I wouldn't report to which would be refreshing) and the General Manager (or President) of the company. Usually they don't waste that kind of time on someone unless they're seriously considering them. I thought all three interviews went rather well and was pretty confident afterwards; but they said they'd call me one way or the other by last Friday and there's still been no word. So I'm about to give up all hope of getting it. It's sad to say but one reason I kind of liked the idea was the fact that I would be reporting to and working most closely with men. I know it's sexist as all hell but the last job with Jan & Shelly just really left a bad stink in my mouth. Sisterhood is all well & good until one sister is deemed a thread by another.... then watch the fuck out! It's like woman feel the need to put on this "cooperative" face; but then when the reality of competition comes along, it's every woman for herself. Which would be fine - I can respect that. If they'd just be fucking honest about it. Men on the other hand can seem to compete against one another (and against women) and still be friendly about it - and most of all, honest. Maybe it's just that I find working with men much simpler, and easier. I know how devious a woman can be - I'm a perfect example!
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Burning bridges over troubles waters
I'm having a bad night. For some reason I'm back on the fucking mental tilt-a-whirl about the whole job thing. I don't know what triggered it tonight - I stayed up late, watching late night TV and thought I'd be able to nod off easily, but instead I started re-hashing the whole "what did I do wrong?" shit. Next thing I know I'm choking back sobs, trying not to wake up Curt - so I slipped out of bed and thought I'd try to work it out on paper.
I feel so fucking betrayed, is what it is. I wonder - was it just the last emotional argument I had with Shelly or had they been displeased with me since before fucking November, when the first indication of something wrong came up - but were just too chickenshit to be honest with me? Then I catch myself going down the same path again and again and get pissed with myself for letting this whole thing rule my brainwaves. I give myself the same sorry advice I've given countless others: don't let the assholes have this kind of power over you - the power to affect your peace of mind. They're not worthy of that sacrifice on your part. You have the power to choose who has that kind of control over your emotions. I get angry at myself for letting myself imagine some sort of sisterhood, some kind of bond of camaraderie that obviously wasn't there. But then I start thinking about *why* they're not worthy - why they're such chickenshits - and off I go again, wasting more energy reliving what *exactly* makes them so unworthy, and the playback starts all over again.
Was I wrong to stand up for myself back in November? Was I wrong when I tried to take full control for this last, big project as every piece of career advice I've ever read suggests, as the best way to get ahead? They all said the only way to get noticed by the boss' boss is to take on a high profile project and make it a huge success. I'm beginning to suspect maybe Jan and Shelly read the same advice.... and weren't about to let me get that kind of visibility. What truly sucketh is I had pretty much already decided I didn't want either of their jobs. I just wanted to keep my job for another 6 months and see this project complete so I could put it on my resume. Take those formal programming classes on the company dollar that I'd put off doing so far. Then I'd have happily trundled on my merry way.
I guess that's what I'm really bitter about. It wasn't my decision. It wasn't on my terms. They weren't mature or brave enough to be honest with me so we could have parted ways in a manner that wouldn't make me have to swallow my fucking pride fighting the urge to burn that bridge in a fiery inferno, as I so desperately want to do to assuage my wounded ego. I'll never know exactly what I did wrong there - where did I fuck up? Because I don't know that I'd do it any different if I had to do it all over again.
I feel so fucking betrayed, is what it is. I wonder - was it just the last emotional argument I had with Shelly or had they been displeased with me since before fucking November, when the first indication of something wrong came up - but were just too chickenshit to be honest with me? Then I catch myself going down the same path again and again and get pissed with myself for letting this whole thing rule my brainwaves. I give myself the same sorry advice I've given countless others: don't let the assholes have this kind of power over you - the power to affect your peace of mind. They're not worthy of that sacrifice on your part. You have the power to choose who has that kind of control over your emotions. I get angry at myself for letting myself imagine some sort of sisterhood, some kind of bond of camaraderie that obviously wasn't there. But then I start thinking about *why* they're not worthy - why they're such chickenshits - and off I go again, wasting more energy reliving what *exactly* makes them so unworthy, and the playback starts all over again.
Was I wrong to stand up for myself back in November? Was I wrong when I tried to take full control for this last, big project as every piece of career advice I've ever read suggests, as the best way to get ahead? They all said the only way to get noticed by the boss' boss is to take on a high profile project and make it a huge success. I'm beginning to suspect maybe Jan and Shelly read the same advice.... and weren't about to let me get that kind of visibility. What truly sucketh is I had pretty much already decided I didn't want either of their jobs. I just wanted to keep my job for another 6 months and see this project complete so I could put it on my resume. Take those formal programming classes on the company dollar that I'd put off doing so far. Then I'd have happily trundled on my merry way.
I guess that's what I'm really bitter about. It wasn't my decision. It wasn't on my terms. They weren't mature or brave enough to be honest with me so we could have parted ways in a manner that wouldn't make me have to swallow my fucking pride fighting the urge to burn that bridge in a fiery inferno, as I so desperately want to do to assuage my wounded ego. I'll never know exactly what I did wrong there - where did I fuck up? Because I don't know that I'd do it any different if I had to do it all over again.
Friday, February 06, 2004
Dance of the Seven Scarves
Well, the short term contract didn't pan out. They wanted someone with experience in a specific accounting program that I, of course am unfamiliar with. But the phone interview with the software company yesterday went well, I think. I felt good about it, anyway - which probably means I won't get it :( They said they'd let me know by mid of next week.
In any event, I'm taking that old saying "dress like you've got the job you want, not the job you've got" to heart and prettying myself up a bit. Especially as this job basically entails meeting with clients - so my favorite slouchy sweater and fur-encrusted black leggings look isn't going to fly. I'm actually kind of enjoying shopping for girly stuff - interview outfits, etc. I still refuse to wear skirts, but after accepting that with my big shoulders my favorite austere "professional" wardrobe of black jackets on black pants makes me look overly masculine - I'm embracing accessories. Thanks to Curt's family who have bought me cheap jewlery the last couple of years for Christmas (not knowing I usually don't wear any) I've got a few trinkets, but I my scarf collection was woefully lacking and I do love my pretty pieces of fabric (in moderation). So I bought about a dozen or so lovelies... some at a discount Ross type store, some at the local Value Village.
In any event, I'm taking that old saying "dress like you've got the job you want, not the job you've got" to heart and prettying myself up a bit. Especially as this job basically entails meeting with clients - so my favorite slouchy sweater and fur-encrusted black leggings look isn't going to fly. I'm actually kind of enjoying shopping for girly stuff - interview outfits, etc. I still refuse to wear skirts, but after accepting that with my big shoulders my favorite austere "professional" wardrobe of black jackets on black pants makes me look overly masculine - I'm embracing accessories. Thanks to Curt's family who have bought me cheap jewlery the last couple of years for Christmas (not knowing I usually don't wear any) I've got a few trinkets, but I my scarf collection was woefully lacking and I do love my pretty pieces of fabric (in moderation). So I bought about a dozen or so lovelies... some at a discount Ross type store, some at the local Value Village.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Nothing to see here....
Really, I'm not intending this to become a weekly blog - it's just sort of become that since I'm not working. Used to be I'd blog to give my brain a rest at work, but now, if I'm on the computer it's to check email or apply for job postings, or to play games :) Things are beginning to look really good on the job front. I've gotten several nibbles in the last couple of days which is re-affirming. One came from a referral from my old boss before Jan - it appears Jan had told her I was "laid off" and she recommended me to an accounting staffing agency. They don't normally deal with technical jobs but happened to have a short 2 - 4 weeker developing reports that I might work in. I'm waiting to hear if their client liked my resume. Then, they passed on my resume to an actual technical staffing agency they partner with who called me today. They have several Business Systems Analyst positions coming in lately and think I would be a great candidate for some of them after I re-format my resume a little. I really do like working with headhunters when I can. It's nice to get some objective, 3rd party feedback on your resume & experience - what your strengths and weeknesses are. And finally, I've got a phone interview tomorow with a software company that I applied to on Monster. So things are looking good.
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