Maybe there's hope!

Well, there was a different ad in the paper last week for these Lasik guys in Vancouver, WA. I think they may be the ones my doc warned me about, who were offering cheap rates on obsolete equipment, but I'm going to a consultation tomorow anyway. They at least have the more state of the art stuff available but presumably at a higher price. But if their higher price for new equipment is still less than what I'd have to pay going to Canada it may well be worth it. No class action suit against them so far that I can see and our realtor's sister had it done there & is ecstatic. Though I admit I was rather looking forward to the trip to Vancouver BC to have it done.

We had a lovely Christmas down at Mom's. Though Curt annoyed Ty's Mother in Law slightly with his remarks about religion. She runs a little church-based school. Ty asked me to ask Curt to "lay off". BUt I said fuck it. I'm not going to ask him to censor his speech for anyone and what's Christmas without some traditional religion-bashing? I know - not very Zen of me but I'm sick of suppressing my opinions in the interest of not causing offense. If they can't handle a little bit of heathen skepticism then they're obviously not very secure in their thinking.

But there is hope that people are starting to question long-held Biblical truths, especially as regards Biblical portrayals of woman and women's "proper role" in society, which is my main beef with the Church (apart from the troublesome God thing). Ty & his wife & MIL were gaga over a book, the "Da Vinci Code" that was also mentioned in the Cosmic Log this week. I'd seen a thread about the book over on the Ms boards a few months ago but some people panned it as "interesting, but not very feminist" on the grounds that the lead female characters weren't well developed. So I haven't read it yet, but after listening to my dear sexist brother gush over it it's bringing me hope.

Feminists have been saying Mary Magdalene, Eve and other Biblical women were given a bad rap and that the early Church intentionally interpreted/ edited the documents that made up the Bible to institutionalize their cultural mistreatment of women for decades, but now that message is finally making it into the mainstream. If this book and recent cable-channel-based documentaries that present revisionist versions of history are any indication, then maybe that feminist message is finally being heard. Woohoo!!!

DJ's Selling Out

I heard one of those testimonial ads from the DJ on the radio at work this morning for the crappy Lasik Vision Institute I mentioned last week. I was so pissed I sent him an email. Here's what I got:

Kelli~
Thanks for your concern about the Lasik Vision Institute. I actually had the procedure done and I have been very happy with the results. I don't wish to defend the company. I know that they came to us looking for someone to have the surgery done and then to talk about it on the air. That is the extent of my involvement with the company. I am very thrilled about everything that has happened for me. I can see awesome right now without glasses and that's a big bonus for me. Happy Holidays to you and your family....oh, and thanks for listening!
Jeff

Yeah, you bastard you got to have it done FOR FREE!!!! Of course you were fucking thrilled with the results! I hate it when my favorite radio personalities sell out like this. Last time it was the LA Weight Loss center. Just pisses me off to hear 'em droning on and on ad nauseum about how "terrific" the service/ product in question is when they didn't have to go through the fucking high pressure sales torture experience or pay thru the nose for the service. Maybe when I hear one say "I personally paid $1000's and it was worth EVERY PENNEY!!" I'll waste half a brain cell to actually consider what they're selling.

So fuck you Jeff!! I'm still going to Canada (have heard more stories of friends-of-friends who have done that very happily).

Mystery of the Shoe Debris

The Kittlin has a shoe fetish. Not only does he greatly enjoy laying on top of our shoes but also sticking his little head down inside. Jinx, on the other hand does not chew shoes (thank Maude) but has a wood/woodproducts fetish.

These seemingly unrelated fetishes would appear to have nothing in common if it weren't for the human element in the house. Namely, Curt's love of popsicles and my tendency to leave shoes around. So the other day Curt & I are laying in bed when we witness the solution to the greatest mystery to hit our home since the racoon invasion: how do our shoes seem to magically aquire popsicle debris down by the toes?

Curt eats popsicle. Gives popsicle to Jinx. Jinx chews up popsicle stick and leaves on floor. Kittlin finds chewed sticks and drags them to any available empty shoe laying around and deposits them way down by the toes therein, for I (or Curt) to discover the next time we put them on.

Watching this little kitten drag a popsicle stick across the room and finagle it down inside the shoe was the most hysterical thing we've seen in ages. He was so fucking intent! We have no idea what his motive is but it occurs to me that if we could harness & better focus this packrat ability we might not need to get that roomba robotic vacuum I'm been eyeing.....It's too bad we already fixed the little guy or maybe we could breed a whole herd of housecleaning felines.

Too Good to Be True

Shit. Just came across this warning about the place I'm looking to get the surgery done. I'm printing off a copy to take to the consultation tomorow in case they try any of this same bullshit with me. Maybe I'll go somewhere else. Damn Damn Damn. Let's see - FTC Investigations for false/ fraudulent advertising, an "unsatisfactory" rating by the BBB and a class action suit by former patients for injuries and false advertising. Investigations by ABC and former national medical directors quitting in disgust. Do I really want to trust my eyes to this kind of an outfit???? I don't know.

The best laser surgery center here is the Casey Eye Institute up at the Oregon Health Sciences University. $1600/ eye. But then there's Canada.... which was kind of my plan for awhile. The Lasik Eye Centre in Vancouver BC specifically: $1,990 USD for BOTH eyes.. You can even get a special overnight hotel package that can be included in the price of the procedure. woohoo!! First, you get the benefit of favorable exchange rate (saving $$); then you get the benefit or more advanced technology, due to the lack of US FDA ass-dragging on approval; and probably more importantly the benefit of experience. The Canadians have been doing it much longer than their US counterparts; and I can have my pre and post operative screening and care done by my optometrist.

There's a $3k cap on what I can withold on teh Flexplan, and the Canadian procedure would fall well under that (even including travel expenses).

Can They Really Heal the Blind?

I might be getting laser surgery!!

I'm so excited!!! Saw this ad in the Sunday papers for $299 per eye but you have to get the surgery done in the next 30 days. As it so happens I'm setting up my flexplan right now so can set the $$ aside to have it done after the 1st of the year. I go in tomorow morning to the clinic for my consultation.

I went to my optometrist this afternoon for my independent consultation to make sure I was a good candidate and I AM!!: -2 and -1.5 with a slight astigmatism. I love this doc. I think he teaches at the local health sciences school & he basically keeps up an ongoing "lecture" on the technical jargon when you're talking to him. I never really understand him but for some reason his nerdy murmering comforts me. You can really tell he *loves* his field.

He says he saw the same ad in the paper and is really curious to see how it goes. He's never heard of this clinic - they're new to town (but claim to be the largest provider of Lasik in the world (Lasik Vision Institute). He said it looks like they're offering the special deal to initial customers in the area to drum up good word of mouth, then they'll raise the rates in a month.

The specific laser they're running the special on is a Nidek EC-5000; which he says is the newest, top-of-the-line laser. Much much safer than the older Exemer (sp?) lasers that would require several minutes per eye. These are on and off your eye in 30 seconds and come in from the side, not straight in so there's less chance of permanent retinal damage. He said they sound like a good outfit - unlike some other doc in Vancouver who is also offering great deals but using an old, nearly obsolete laser.

We'll see what they say tomorow - but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm so stoked! I've had glasses/contacts since I was 16.

Too Many Chiefs

My co-worker Shelly(I think that's the alias I settled on) has decided to bite the bullet and actually fulfill her currently empty title of IT Supervisor, because Jan basically told her she had to use it or lose it. Jan's going on vacation for 2 weeks over Christmas and I suspect what happened was she was basically going to put me in charge (at least that's what I'm feeding my ego) because of Shelly's abysmal attendance record unless she stepped up.

I am not pleased. Mostly because Jan did not prepare me of the change in roles before Shelly started to severely curtail my previous freedom and I didn't take it well. Don't worry - I recovered quickly before doing any permanent damage but not before Shelly felt the need to bring out the "you're being argumentative" stick. The thing is - she's 5 years younger than I am (and I'm not that old), doesn't have a degree (she's going to school now for it) and has basically no other corporate experience outside of this company (besides being an asst. mgr in retail and a short stint as a cook in the navy). But she has seniority here and had become a supervisor in one of the customer service dept's before moving into the IT dept, a couple of years before I came along. We get along great on a personal level but professionally there's some tension because we're in similar roles which does put us in competition. I want & need supervisory experience - it's the next step for me, career wise. Yeah, I want her title, dammit!

The thing is - there's only 3 of us in the dept. (+ Jan, the mgr) so there's really not much to "supervise" beyond hours of attendance & schedules. Well, I take it back - there could be more to supervise but I'll be damned if I'm going to let her evaluate my performance and approve my raises or tell me what to do on a daily basis. Which is what I told Jan today when I finally got 5 minutes alone with her to get the scoop on what's going on.

My little paranoid mind had of course suspected that perhaps after our recent misunderstanding Jan had decided she couldn't deal with me and asked Shelly to step up on that score, but after our chat today I'm confident that's not it. It had nothing to do with me - contrary to my egomaniacal view of the universe. So maybe there's no need to go looking for a new job quite yet. Though I know there's going to be some turbulence as we try to find the line as to where Shelly's authority over me begins and ends.

Elvis Has Left The Building

I promised to give my favorite minor Greek Goddess, Echidne of the snakes: Sigh some airplay so she'll get a boost in blog ranking. Good luck!

Sad update on the "mom's new puppy" front. I don't even know how to write this - it's just too damned tragic for words. Basically, while hanging Christmas garlands on a window, Mom stepped right on little Elvis (her new Maltese puppy) who was sleeping under a blanket on a big chair. 18 hours of intense ICU at the vet later he passed on due to his injuries. Mom, of course was totally devestated. She had to take 2 days of bereavement time at work. I feel so abominally crappy for her - but on the other hand, I'm thinking "Mom - get a clue... Youve had 4 dogs lost or killed in the last 2 years. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something??"
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Moving on the thought has crossed my mind recently that in general people attribute much more intelligence to their fellow humans than they have any right to deserve. Really - think about it. We accuse other people of plotting and conspiring and manipulating to incredible degrees, when the truth of the matter is, unless you're a contestant of Survivor nobody has the time or mental accuity to actually spend hours rubbing mental hands together thinking "how can I screw xxxx ???" Basically, everyone operates from a standpoint of simple self-preservation and self-aggrandizement, and unless you *are* stranded on a deserted island totally removed from the hustle & bustle and pressure of everyday life, nobody has the mental energy to spare trying to think beyond how they're going to get a paycheck, buy groceries and run their kids all over town. I don't think that changes as people get richer and more powerful.

Administrative note: It's occurred to me that anyone running a google search on any of the names I've used here could find my blog and shatter my illusion of anonymity, so I've changed the names of coworkers and companies to cover my own ass.

In other news, grass is green and water is wet

Pentagon Audit Finds Halliburton Overcharged (Veep Dick Cheney's old company). In other news, grass is green and water is wet! What's more surprising, however is that someone at the Pentagon actually had the balls to audit those cushy post-Iraq oil contracts. How in the hell did that happen??

Forget Waldo - Where's Ernestine the Operator???

I'm off to pick up Dad's bronco, full of guaranteed creosote-free wood after work.

Do you ever get that little tickle at the back of your head when you know there's a possible incredible, groundshaking, earth shattering concept that could blast open the doors of personal wealth and power if you just knew how to capitalize on it? I'm getting one of those about the concept expressed in the Cluetrain Manifesto. I've barely begun to read it but the intro struck me:
"A powerful global conversation has begun. Through the Internet, people are discovering and inventing new ways to share relevant knowledge with blinding speed. As a direct result, markets are getting smarter—and getting smarter faster than most companies.
These markets are conversations. Their members communicate in language that is natural, open, honest, direct, funny and often shocking. Whether explaining or complaining, joking or serious, the human voice is unmistakably genuine. It can't be faked.
Most corporations, on the other hand, only know how to talk in the soothing, humorless monotone of the mission statement, marketing brochure, and your-call-is-important-to-us busy signal. Same old tone, same old lies. No wonder networked markets have no respect for companies unable or unwilling to speak as they do.
But learning to speak in a human voice is not some trick, nor will corporations convince us they are human with lip service about "listening to customers." They will only sound human when they empower real human beings to speak on their behalf."

Especially after being on the fucking phone for 39 minutes yesterday just trying to figure out how to get a real, live person on the phone at my mortgage company. Their automated phone tree directed me to their website, but I had a question *about* the services on their website (i.e. - it wasn't really clear where they did or did not charge a $11.99 fee for making an online payment)... which itself directed me to call the customer service line with questions. . Made me feel like that guy in Greek mythology who is doomed to push a boulder up a mountain only to have a huge bird eviscerate him at the top... oh wait... was it the guy who is surrounded by a lake which disappears every time he tries to bend his head to drink? Am I crossing my mythologies? Either way I feel like I'm in some 7th Hell reliving Howard Jones' old 80's song "No one is to Blame"

It's become kind of a game for me - calling automated phone trees and pushing 0 or * or # at every possible menu option to see which cyber rabbit hole will get me to a real, live breathing person who can actually answer my question. When I was at InHell we had a similar phone tree, so I know first hand what demented minds get off running callers through it like fucking rats in a maze. And Maude forbid you actually have a question that the designer *did not* anticipate in their automated script.

So anyway, I think these cluetrain manifesto authors are really on to something - it just feels a little too enormous for me to put a finger on... but some lucky SOB will understand completely and be the next Jeff Bezos. I tell 'ya if I had a few mill laying around I'd buy a phone, mortgage, insurance or utility company and promise to never.fucking.install an automated phone system.

Beware Dads Bearing Gifts: May Be Hazardous To Your Health

My poor, darling, dysfunctional Dad did it again. A few weeks ago he moved his sailboat up to the St. Helens marina - and told us that there was a pile of free wood by the marina parking lot. This weekend he said it was still there and was kind enough to loan us the Bronco and his chain saw to go get it. He said it was river logs - the kind of stuff he used to fish out of the river and burn on the houseboat all the time. He warned us it might have metal spikes in it, so to be careful.... We drive all the way out there on Saturday, find the stuff and start sawing it into manageable chunks and throwing it in the back. There were metal spikes and staples in some of it - we avoided it. But they were clearly old pilings and wood that had been ripped up from a dock. On the way home I mention to Curt how bad the tar smells - I ask if he thinks it's OK to burn the tar... he says sure, no problem and I think "Dad said this is the same stuff he used to burn... he wouldn't suggest I burn anything toxic..." and put it out of my mind. I should fucking know better by now, because today Pop calls to ask how the wood is burning.

Me: "We burned a log last night. Burns kind of slow but good"

Dad: "well yeah, it's waterlogged"

Me: "I know - but Curt says the tar will counter the water - tar burns fast, water slows it down...."

Dad: "Wait - there's tar on it?"

Me: "Well yeah - the logs look like they were soaked in it - it reaked on the way home"

Dad: "That's not tar... it's creosote! But there shouldn't be any creosote on it unless they're pilings or something"

Me: "Well yeah, Dad they *were* pilings - obviously so. Metal spikes just like you said. Didn't you check it out before telling us about it?"

Dad: "Oh shit! I didn't know they were old pilings! Obviously I didn't look at it closely enough... I didn't think about it. If I'd have known they were pilings I'd have never had you go get it! You can't burn that! Creosote is cancerous!"

Me: "Gee, thanks, pop! So you think that might explain why this great free wood was still sitting there 3 weeks later, especially in a rural town like St. Helens where everybody heats with wood?"

Dad: "Yeah, I thought it was kind of odd. I didn't think about that... I guess I just wan't thinking. I thought it was a lot of that driftwood that just floats down the river. I'll find you guys some more wood to replace it. I don't want you burning that".

Curt was at first skeptical - did not want to look free wood in the mouth. But the above website convinced him we shouldn't burn it. I called a guy at the state DEQ's special woodstove dept. just to be sure. Amazingly enough in this day of budget cuts I actually got ahold of a real, live knowledgeable PERSON within 5 minutes!!! who told me that yeah, it's toxic though there is a chance it *might* be safe depending on the saturation density and temperateure it's burning at.... but he would treat it like hazardous waste.

I love my father but honest to Pete *every* single time he tries to help he ends up fucking up! It was the same with the wedding photos. If I had a buck for every time I heard him yell at my brother Ty that "You're just not thinking, kid!" when we were children I'd be a rich woman - and the irony fucking kills me. It's obviously genetic - Dad NEVER thinks things through before he jumps in with both feet. Doesn't think about how his actions will make people feel, or what he's committing you to without your approval, or what the consequences are going to be. He's like a lost little puppy that's so damned HAPPY to be of service that he pisses all over himself in the process.

He's offered to help around the house with some plumbing and electrical projects we need done - and damned if I'm not scared to death he's going to burn the house down or flood it in his eagerness. But helping makes him so happy!

We were both feeling a little ill last night - exhaustion and soreness and congestion. I'm wondering now if it was the wood we burned and not just a bug. Maude save us from relatives with good intentions.....

Duelling carols

We had duelling Christmas CD's on today -mine in the living room, Curt's in the laundry room. I'd add something more profound but I'm getting the guilt treatment for not doing the dishes (or anything else) today. I've been sitting on my lazy ass watching TV and listening to music, reading the paper and surfing the net while Curt's been busy as a bee cleaning and organizing and in general being the best house husband ever. Smartest thing I ever did was marry that man!

What's Next? Ads in the Litter Box?

The Kittlin had discovered the computer. He's quite fascinated by the animated banner ads at the top of the web pages, it's so cute!. I don't think the net advertisers had quite his demographic in mind - 4 months old, black feline. If I start seeing ads for Petsmart pop up and links to kitty porn though I'll start to worry.

Margaret Cho Rowks!

I wrote a letter to Margaret Cho yesterday with the same thoughts I expressed here. Even if I post them anywhere I can nobody gives a flying fuck what I think. But Margaret - she gets invited to debate Falwell on MSNBC. I was only hoping to give her a little more ammo next time she's in front of a national audience, but didn't even think she'd read my letter. She not only DID, but she LIKED IT and her manager emailed me to "thank me for the beautiful letter", asking if Margaret could PUBLISH it on her blog!!! How cool is that????

Founding Fathers were NOT Christian (most of 'em anyway)...

Damn it I lost my draft! Here's it in a nutshell:

Laughing gas goooood - will look forward to going to dentist in the future. Don't know why they don't sell this in bars. All the fun of getting drunk but it's out of your system 5 minutes after you quit inhaling it, with no hangover!!!!

We got our Christmas tree last night - just a little one for a table top. Will finish setting up and decorating as soon as Curt gets a tree stand that will work with the small diameter of the trunk. Must be stable enough to withstand Mach 3 Kittlin attacks.....

Had a nice chat with my brother. He finally informs me that yes, he *does* plan on coming back to the NW periodically to visit after relocating to Houston with his new wife (as soon as the Coast Guard will transfer him). Contrary to all other recent rants, he doesn't hate all that is Oregon - just the political & educational system. Whatever. Though I was cringing when he was trying to convince me that the Shrub is obviously more intelligent than your average millworker just because he went to college and somehow became President. He's under the misunderstanding that politicians are smarter than the rest of us. How the fuck did that happen?

All of this rhetoric regarding the "10 Commandments Judge" in Alabama and the Shrubites professing that "America is A Christian Nation founded on Christian Ideals" has been pissing me off lately, and I finally did some research and identified why. The Fucking Founding Fathers were NOT Christian! They were Deists, dammit! (That may need to be a bumper sticker). I mean I knew Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were Deists but I didn't realize that ALL SIX of the first six presidents, were too. George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe and John Q. Adams Jr. were all Deists, as were later Presidents John Tyler, Millard Filmore, Abraham Lincoln and William Taft. Besides Franklin, other non-Presidential revolutionary figures who happened to be Deist were Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Paine, Ethan Allen and two other framers of the Constitution, Hugh Williamson and James Wilson.

That's a pretty damned big chunk of "Founding Fathers" who did NOT believe the laws of our new country should be based on the Bible, or any other "manual" espoused by any organized religion. They confirmed this specifically in 1797 when America made a treaty with Tripoli , declaring that "the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." This reassurance to Islam was written under Washington's presidency, and approved by the Senate under John Adams.

Mom's Pet Cemetary

Got my hair cut yesterday - I'm not sure if I like it or not. I threatened to shave it all off but Curt called my bluff, citing how much $$ we'd save. "You could just tell people you're Buddhist, honey!"

I go to the dentist in 30 minutes. I'm dreading it a bit. There's the one tooth the other dentist filled in July that was so close to the nerve it could maybe use a root canal; then the crown the new dentist says needs replaced - both on the left lower jaw. But this last week my right side has been killing me - sometimes upper, sometimes lower - and according to the new dentist there weren't any unfilled cavities over there. I suspect he's wrong.

Cleo is not a happy camper since she's been confined to quarters. I'be been taking her out in the yard for supervised potty breaks under her favorite shrubs morning and night, but I don't know how much longer she'll be satisfied with that before she catches on that she won't get to STAY outside and starts bolting the minute I set her down. As soon as she does, I think I'll need to invest in a kitty leash. The horror, the indignity!!!

Mom is now up to her 4th dog in 2 years down in Florence. A Maltese puppy to replace Cappy, who took off one day a couple of weeks ago when Bill had her off her leash down on the dunes, never to be seen or heard from again. Jinx was devestated when we went down for the weekend - she missed her best friend.

I don't get it. It's a TOY puppy for cryin' out loud! That aint a real dog! If you want a lapwarmer you've already got 4 cats!! What's the point? She says she wanted a dog that Bill can't take to the beach. Understandable - Cappy was a replacement for Willard, the Black Lab/ Great Dane dog that ran off when Bill was crabbing... hmmmm I'm sensing a pattern here. If I didn't know Bill loved those damned dogs so much I might be suspicious. I really do feel sorry for him, he must feel like total shit, losing *two* dogs. We've offered to let Jinx stay down there for extended visits - Bill adores her, she adores him. He's retired, she's not left all alone all day.... honestly if it weren't for this cumbersome habit of losing dogs alltogether we might just give her to him out of guilt. I know it's not that he abuses them or anything. I think it's just lack of discipline and his letting 'em run loose in areas where he can't chase 'em down when they get stubborn and don't want to come when called (like the scrub brush).

Mom says

Mom says that no, penicillin comes from bread not oranges and yes, yes I am a paranoid freak before launching into her "why didn't you call me the second you got home last night"? spiel. Could be paranoia is genetic, methinks.

Note To Self: Clean Your Desk More Often

Did you know rotting oranges smell like acetone? I didn't! But I do now!!!

So isn't that mold on oranges actually Penicillin? Aren't I allergic to Penicillin? Just freakin' a little bit 'cuz when I grabbed the bag with the moldy orange in it a little green cloud exploded from it. I'm a paranoid freak is what I am. But I've still got a call into Mom just to be on the safe side....

Duelling Pissmonsters at Dawn

My desk reaks of chemicals - like fingernail polish and I can't find the source. I suspect the new liquid bandage stuff I bought at RiteAid a few weeks ago. Think clear nail polish with an antiseptic in it - but the lid is tightly sealed. It's driving me nuts. I mean if it *had* spilled the smell would dissipate, wouldn't it?

Anyway - had a nice Turkey Day at Dad's though big surprise, my dear brother wasn't able to make it. Then we went to Mom's on the coast for the rest of the weekend. Nice and relaxing after the stressful week I've had. We came home, however to our neighbor, Montel banging on the door demanding satisfaction for his neurotic cat, who has apparently been traumatized beyond tolerance by my sweet, toothless calico Cleo. She goes over there and actually tries to get into their house, even though their cat has made it crystal clear she does not want to share her abode. I have no idea what the attraction is but suspect it's the lure of the forbidden. They certainly haven't been overly friendly to her. Maybe that's the problem - she can't stand to have people not like her? Montel did not find my suggestion that they may have better catfood very amusing. Sometimes I don't think they have a sense of humor. That seems to be the case with most devout Christians I meet, though.

So I taped up the catdoor with cardboard and confined Cleo to her quarters for the duration. I fully expect to feel her wrath in the coming days. It's her own damned fault! We've got a wonderful yard, empty lot in the back and plenty of house for her to call home - she has no need to try to annex their house, as well! If she does manage to slip out we gave them full permission to make it as unpleasant for her as possible - including turning a hose on her if necessary.