Maybe there's hope!

Well, there was a different ad in the paper last week for these Lasik guys in Vancouver, WA. I think they may be the ones my doc warned me about, who were offering cheap rates on obsolete equipment, but I'm going to a consultation tomorow anyway. They at least have the more state of the art stuff available but presumably at a higher price. But if their higher price for new equipment is still less than what I'd have to pay going to Canada it may well be worth it. No class action suit against them so far that I can see and our realtor's sister had it done there & is ecstatic. Though I admit I was rather looking forward to the trip to Vancouver BC to have it done.

We had a lovely Christmas down at Mom's. Though Curt annoyed Ty's Mother in Law slightly with his remarks about religion. She runs a little church-based school. Ty asked me to ask Curt to "lay off". BUt I said fuck it. I'm not going to ask him to censor his speech for anyone and what's Christmas without some traditional religion-bashing? I know - not very Zen of me but I'm sick of suppressing my opinions in the interest of not causing offense. If they can't handle a little bit of heathen skepticism then they're obviously not very secure in their thinking.

But there is hope that people are starting to question long-held Biblical truths, especially as regards Biblical portrayals of woman and women's "proper role" in society, which is my main beef with the Church (apart from the troublesome God thing). Ty & his wife & MIL were gaga over a book, the "Da Vinci Code" that was also mentioned in the Cosmic Log this week. I'd seen a thread about the book over on the Ms boards a few months ago but some people panned it as "interesting, but not very feminist" on the grounds that the lead female characters weren't well developed. So I haven't read it yet, but after listening to my dear sexist brother gush over it it's bringing me hope.

Feminists have been saying Mary Magdalene, Eve and other Biblical women were given a bad rap and that the early Church intentionally interpreted/ edited the documents that made up the Bible to institutionalize their cultural mistreatment of women for decades, but now that message is finally making it into the mainstream. If this book and recent cable-channel-based documentaries that present revisionist versions of history are any indication, then maybe that feminist message is finally being heard. Woohoo!!!

DJ's Selling Out

I heard one of those testimonial ads from the DJ on the radio at work this morning for the crappy Lasik Vision Institute I mentioned last week. I was so pissed I sent him an email. Here's what I got:

Kelli~
Thanks for your concern about the Lasik Vision Institute. I actually had the procedure done and I have been very happy with the results. I don't wish to defend the company. I know that they came to us looking for someone to have the surgery done and then to talk about it on the air. That is the extent of my involvement with the company. I am very thrilled about everything that has happened for me. I can see awesome right now without glasses and that's a big bonus for me. Happy Holidays to you and your family....oh, and thanks for listening!
Jeff

Yeah, you bastard you got to have it done FOR FREE!!!! Of course you were fucking thrilled with the results! I hate it when my favorite radio personalities sell out like this. Last time it was the LA Weight Loss center. Just pisses me off to hear 'em droning on and on ad nauseum about how "terrific" the service/ product in question is when they didn't have to go through the fucking high pressure sales torture experience or pay thru the nose for the service. Maybe when I hear one say "I personally paid $1000's and it was worth EVERY PENNEY!!" I'll waste half a brain cell to actually consider what they're selling.

So fuck you Jeff!! I'm still going to Canada (have heard more stories of friends-of-friends who have done that very happily).

Mystery of the Shoe Debris

The Kittlin has a shoe fetish. Not only does he greatly enjoy laying on top of our shoes but also sticking his little head down inside. Jinx, on the other hand does not chew shoes (thank Maude) but has a wood/woodproducts fetish.

These seemingly unrelated fetishes would appear to have nothing in common if it weren't for the human element in the house. Namely, Curt's love of popsicles and my tendency to leave shoes around. So the other day Curt & I are laying in bed when we witness the solution to the greatest mystery to hit our home since the racoon invasion: how do our shoes seem to magically aquire popsicle debris down by the toes?

Curt eats popsicle. Gives popsicle to Jinx. Jinx chews up popsicle stick and leaves on floor. Kittlin finds chewed sticks and drags them to any available empty shoe laying around and deposits them way down by the toes therein, for I (or Curt) to discover the next time we put them on.

Watching this little kitten drag a popsicle stick across the room and finagle it down inside the shoe was the most hysterical thing we've seen in ages. He was so fucking intent! We have no idea what his motive is but it occurs to me that if we could harness & better focus this packrat ability we might not need to get that roomba robotic vacuum I'm been eyeing.....It's too bad we already fixed the little guy or maybe we could breed a whole herd of housecleaning felines.

Too Good to Be True

Shit. Just came across this warning about the place I'm looking to get the surgery done. I'm printing off a copy to take to the consultation tomorow in case they try any of this same bullshit with me. Maybe I'll go somewhere else. Damn Damn Damn. Let's see - FTC Investigations for false/ fraudulent advertising, an "unsatisfactory" rating by the BBB and a class action suit by former patients for injuries and false advertising. Investigations by ABC and former national medical directors quitting in disgust. Do I really want to trust my eyes to this kind of an outfit???? I don't know.

The best laser surgery center here is the Casey Eye Institute up at the Oregon Health Sciences University. $1600/ eye. But then there's Canada.... which was kind of my plan for awhile. The Lasik Eye Centre in Vancouver BC specifically: $1,990 USD for BOTH eyes.. You can even get a special overnight hotel package that can be included in the price of the procedure. woohoo!! First, you get the benefit of favorable exchange rate (saving $$); then you get the benefit or more advanced technology, due to the lack of US FDA ass-dragging on approval; and probably more importantly the benefit of experience. The Canadians have been doing it much longer than their US counterparts; and I can have my pre and post operative screening and care done by my optometrist.

There's a $3k cap on what I can withold on teh Flexplan, and the Canadian procedure would fall well under that (even including travel expenses).

Can They Really Heal the Blind?

I might be getting laser surgery!!

I'm so excited!!! Saw this ad in the Sunday papers for $299 per eye but you have to get the surgery done in the next 30 days. As it so happens I'm setting up my flexplan right now so can set the $$ aside to have it done after the 1st of the year. I go in tomorow morning to the clinic for my consultation.

I went to my optometrist this afternoon for my independent consultation to make sure I was a good candidate and I AM!!: -2 and -1.5 with a slight astigmatism. I love this doc. I think he teaches at the local health sciences school & he basically keeps up an ongoing "lecture" on the technical jargon when you're talking to him. I never really understand him but for some reason his nerdy murmering comforts me. You can really tell he *loves* his field.

He says he saw the same ad in the paper and is really curious to see how it goes. He's never heard of this clinic - they're new to town (but claim to be the largest provider of Lasik in the world (Lasik Vision Institute). He said it looks like they're offering the special deal to initial customers in the area to drum up good word of mouth, then they'll raise the rates in a month.

The specific laser they're running the special on is a Nidek EC-5000; which he says is the newest, top-of-the-line laser. Much much safer than the older Exemer (sp?) lasers that would require several minutes per eye. These are on and off your eye in 30 seconds and come in from the side, not straight in so there's less chance of permanent retinal damage. He said they sound like a good outfit - unlike some other doc in Vancouver who is also offering great deals but using an old, nearly obsolete laser.

We'll see what they say tomorow - but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm so stoked! I've had glasses/contacts since I was 16.

Too Many Chiefs

My co-worker Shelly(I think that's the alias I settled on) has decided to bite the bullet and actually fulfill her currently empty title of IT Supervisor, because Jan basically told her she had to use it or lose it. Jan's going on vacation for 2 weeks over Christmas and I suspect what happened was she was basically going to put me in charge (at least that's what I'm feeding my ego) because of Shelly's abysmal attendance record unless she stepped up.

I am not pleased. Mostly because Jan did not prepare me of the change in roles before Shelly started to severely curtail my previous freedom and I didn't take it well. Don't worry - I recovered quickly before doing any permanent damage but not before Shelly felt the need to bring out the "you're being argumentative" stick. The thing is - she's 5 years younger than I am (and I'm not that old), doesn't have a degree (she's going to school now for it) and has basically no other corporate experience outside of this company (besides being an asst. mgr in retail and a short stint as a cook in the navy). But she has seniority here and had become a supervisor in one of the customer service dept's before moving into the IT dept, a couple of years before I came along. We get along great on a personal level but professionally there's some tension because we're in similar roles which does put us in competition. I want & need supervisory experience - it's the next step for me, career wise. Yeah, I want her title, dammit!

The thing is - there's only 3 of us in the dept. (+ Jan, the mgr) so there's really not much to "supervise" beyond hours of attendance & schedules. Well, I take it back - there could be more to supervise but I'll be damned if I'm going to let her evaluate my performance and approve my raises or tell me what to do on a daily basis. Which is what I told Jan today when I finally got 5 minutes alone with her to get the scoop on what's going on.

My little paranoid mind had of course suspected that perhaps after our recent misunderstanding Jan had decided she couldn't deal with me and asked Shelly to step up on that score, but after our chat today I'm confident that's not it. It had nothing to do with me - contrary to my egomaniacal view of the universe. So maybe there's no need to go looking for a new job quite yet. Though I know there's going to be some turbulence as we try to find the line as to where Shelly's authority over me begins and ends.

Elvis Has Left The Building

I promised to give my favorite minor Greek Goddess, Echidne of the snakes: Sigh some airplay so she'll get a boost in blog ranking. Good luck!

Sad update on the "mom's new puppy" front. I don't even know how to write this - it's just too damned tragic for words. Basically, while hanging Christmas garlands on a window, Mom stepped right on little Elvis (her new Maltese puppy) who was sleeping under a blanket on a big chair. 18 hours of intense ICU at the vet later he passed on due to his injuries. Mom, of course was totally devestated. She had to take 2 days of bereavement time at work. I feel so abominally crappy for her - but on the other hand, I'm thinking "Mom - get a clue... Youve had 4 dogs lost or killed in the last 2 years. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something??"
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Moving on the thought has crossed my mind recently that in general people attribute much more intelligence to their fellow humans than they have any right to deserve. Really - think about it. We accuse other people of plotting and conspiring and manipulating to incredible degrees, when the truth of the matter is, unless you're a contestant of Survivor nobody has the time or mental accuity to actually spend hours rubbing mental hands together thinking "how can I screw xxxx ???" Basically, everyone operates from a standpoint of simple self-preservation and self-aggrandizement, and unless you *are* stranded on a deserted island totally removed from the hustle & bustle and pressure of everyday life, nobody has the mental energy to spare trying to think beyond how they're going to get a paycheck, buy groceries and run their kids all over town. I don't think that changes as people get richer and more powerful.

Administrative note: It's occurred to me that anyone running a google search on any of the names I've used here could find my blog and shatter my illusion of anonymity, so I've changed the names of coworkers and companies to cover my own ass.

In other news, grass is green and water is wet

Pentagon Audit Finds Halliburton Overcharged (Veep Dick Cheney's old company). In other news, grass is green and water is wet! What's more surprising, however is that someone at the Pentagon actually had the balls to audit those cushy post-Iraq oil contracts. How in the hell did that happen??

Forget Waldo - Where's Ernestine the Operator???

I'm off to pick up Dad's bronco, full of guaranteed creosote-free wood after work.

Do you ever get that little tickle at the back of your head when you know there's a possible incredible, groundshaking, earth shattering concept that could blast open the doors of personal wealth and power if you just knew how to capitalize on it? I'm getting one of those about the concept expressed in the Cluetrain Manifesto. I've barely begun to read it but the intro struck me:
"A powerful global conversation has begun. Through the Internet, people are discovering and inventing new ways to share relevant knowledge with blinding speed. As a direct result, markets are getting smarter—and getting smarter faster than most companies.
These markets are conversations. Their members communicate in language that is natural, open, honest, direct, funny and often shocking. Whether explaining or complaining, joking or serious, the human voice is unmistakably genuine. It can't be faked.
Most corporations, on the other hand, only know how to talk in the soothing, humorless monotone of the mission statement, marketing brochure, and your-call-is-important-to-us busy signal. Same old tone, same old lies. No wonder networked markets have no respect for companies unable or unwilling to speak as they do.
But learning to speak in a human voice is not some trick, nor will corporations convince us they are human with lip service about "listening to customers." They will only sound human when they empower real human beings to speak on their behalf."

Especially after being on the fucking phone for 39 minutes yesterday just trying to figure out how to get a real, live person on the phone at my mortgage company. Their automated phone tree directed me to their website, but I had a question *about* the services on their website (i.e. - it wasn't really clear where they did or did not charge a $11.99 fee for making an online payment)... which itself directed me to call the customer service line with questions. . Made me feel like that guy in Greek mythology who is doomed to push a boulder up a mountain only to have a huge bird eviscerate him at the top... oh wait... was it the guy who is surrounded by a lake which disappears every time he tries to bend his head to drink? Am I crossing my mythologies? Either way I feel like I'm in some 7th Hell reliving Howard Jones' old 80's song "No one is to Blame"

It's become kind of a game for me - calling automated phone trees and pushing 0 or * or # at every possible menu option to see which cyber rabbit hole will get me to a real, live breathing person who can actually answer my question. When I was at InHell we had a similar phone tree, so I know first hand what demented minds get off running callers through it like fucking rats in a maze. And Maude forbid you actually have a question that the designer *did not* anticipate in their automated script.

So anyway, I think these cluetrain manifesto authors are really on to something - it just feels a little too enormous for me to put a finger on... but some lucky SOB will understand completely and be the next Jeff Bezos. I tell 'ya if I had a few mill laying around I'd buy a phone, mortgage, insurance or utility company and promise to never.fucking.install an automated phone system.

Beware Dads Bearing Gifts: May Be Hazardous To Your Health

My poor, darling, dysfunctional Dad did it again. A few weeks ago he moved his sailboat up to the St. Helens marina - and told us that there was a pile of free wood by the marina parking lot. This weekend he said it was still there and was kind enough to loan us the Bronco and his chain saw to go get it. He said it was river logs - the kind of stuff he used to fish out of the river and burn on the houseboat all the time. He warned us it might have metal spikes in it, so to be careful.... We drive all the way out there on Saturday, find the stuff and start sawing it into manageable chunks and throwing it in the back. There were metal spikes and staples in some of it - we avoided it. But they were clearly old pilings and wood that had been ripped up from a dock. On the way home I mention to Curt how bad the tar smells - I ask if he thinks it's OK to burn the tar... he says sure, no problem and I think "Dad said this is the same stuff he used to burn... he wouldn't suggest I burn anything toxic..." and put it out of my mind. I should fucking know better by now, because today Pop calls to ask how the wood is burning.

Me: "We burned a log last night. Burns kind of slow but good"

Dad: "well yeah, it's waterlogged"

Me: "I know - but Curt says the tar will counter the water - tar burns fast, water slows it down...."

Dad: "Wait - there's tar on it?"

Me: "Well yeah - the logs look like they were soaked in it - it reaked on the way home"

Dad: "That's not tar... it's creosote! But there shouldn't be any creosote on it unless they're pilings or something"

Me: "Well yeah, Dad they *were* pilings - obviously so. Metal spikes just like you said. Didn't you check it out before telling us about it?"

Dad: "Oh shit! I didn't know they were old pilings! Obviously I didn't look at it closely enough... I didn't think about it. If I'd have known they were pilings I'd have never had you go get it! You can't burn that! Creosote is cancerous!"

Me: "Gee, thanks, pop! So you think that might explain why this great free wood was still sitting there 3 weeks later, especially in a rural town like St. Helens where everybody heats with wood?"

Dad: "Yeah, I thought it was kind of odd. I didn't think about that... I guess I just wan't thinking. I thought it was a lot of that driftwood that just floats down the river. I'll find you guys some more wood to replace it. I don't want you burning that".

Curt was at first skeptical - did not want to look free wood in the mouth. But the above website convinced him we shouldn't burn it. I called a guy at the state DEQ's special woodstove dept. just to be sure. Amazingly enough in this day of budget cuts I actually got ahold of a real, live knowledgeable PERSON within 5 minutes!!! who told me that yeah, it's toxic though there is a chance it *might* be safe depending on the saturation density and temperateure it's burning at.... but he would treat it like hazardous waste.

I love my father but honest to Pete *every* single time he tries to help he ends up fucking up! It was the same with the wedding photos. If I had a buck for every time I heard him yell at my brother Ty that "You're just not thinking, kid!" when we were children I'd be a rich woman - and the irony fucking kills me. It's obviously genetic - Dad NEVER thinks things through before he jumps in with both feet. Doesn't think about how his actions will make people feel, or what he's committing you to without your approval, or what the consequences are going to be. He's like a lost little puppy that's so damned HAPPY to be of service that he pisses all over himself in the process.

He's offered to help around the house with some plumbing and electrical projects we need done - and damned if I'm not scared to death he's going to burn the house down or flood it in his eagerness. But helping makes him so happy!

We were both feeling a little ill last night - exhaustion and soreness and congestion. I'm wondering now if it was the wood we burned and not just a bug. Maude save us from relatives with good intentions.....

Duelling carols

We had duelling Christmas CD's on today -mine in the living room, Curt's in the laundry room. I'd add something more profound but I'm getting the guilt treatment for not doing the dishes (or anything else) today. I've been sitting on my lazy ass watching TV and listening to music, reading the paper and surfing the net while Curt's been busy as a bee cleaning and organizing and in general being the best house husband ever. Smartest thing I ever did was marry that man!

What's Next? Ads in the Litter Box?

The Kittlin had discovered the computer. He's quite fascinated by the animated banner ads at the top of the web pages, it's so cute!. I don't think the net advertisers had quite his demographic in mind - 4 months old, black feline. If I start seeing ads for Petsmart pop up and links to kitty porn though I'll start to worry.

Margaret Cho Rowks!

I wrote a letter to Margaret Cho yesterday with the same thoughts I expressed here. Even if I post them anywhere I can nobody gives a flying fuck what I think. But Margaret - she gets invited to debate Falwell on MSNBC. I was only hoping to give her a little more ammo next time she's in front of a national audience, but didn't even think she'd read my letter. She not only DID, but she LIKED IT and her manager emailed me to "thank me for the beautiful letter", asking if Margaret could PUBLISH it on her blog!!! How cool is that????

Founding Fathers were NOT Christian (most of 'em anyway)...

Damn it I lost my draft! Here's it in a nutshell:

Laughing gas goooood - will look forward to going to dentist in the future. Don't know why they don't sell this in bars. All the fun of getting drunk but it's out of your system 5 minutes after you quit inhaling it, with no hangover!!!!

We got our Christmas tree last night - just a little one for a table top. Will finish setting up and decorating as soon as Curt gets a tree stand that will work with the small diameter of the trunk. Must be stable enough to withstand Mach 3 Kittlin attacks.....

Had a nice chat with my brother. He finally informs me that yes, he *does* plan on coming back to the NW periodically to visit after relocating to Houston with his new wife (as soon as the Coast Guard will transfer him). Contrary to all other recent rants, he doesn't hate all that is Oregon - just the political & educational system. Whatever. Though I was cringing when he was trying to convince me that the Shrub is obviously more intelligent than your average millworker just because he went to college and somehow became President. He's under the misunderstanding that politicians are smarter than the rest of us. How the fuck did that happen?

All of this rhetoric regarding the "10 Commandments Judge" in Alabama and the Shrubites professing that "America is A Christian Nation founded on Christian Ideals" has been pissing me off lately, and I finally did some research and identified why. The Fucking Founding Fathers were NOT Christian! They were Deists, dammit! (That may need to be a bumper sticker). I mean I knew Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were Deists but I didn't realize that ALL SIX of the first six presidents, were too. George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe and John Q. Adams Jr. were all Deists, as were later Presidents John Tyler, Millard Filmore, Abraham Lincoln and William Taft. Besides Franklin, other non-Presidential revolutionary figures who happened to be Deist were Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Paine, Ethan Allen and two other framers of the Constitution, Hugh Williamson and James Wilson.

That's a pretty damned big chunk of "Founding Fathers" who did NOT believe the laws of our new country should be based on the Bible, or any other "manual" espoused by any organized religion. They confirmed this specifically in 1797 when America made a treaty with Tripoli , declaring that "the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." This reassurance to Islam was written under Washington's presidency, and approved by the Senate under John Adams.

Mom's Pet Cemetary

Got my hair cut yesterday - I'm not sure if I like it or not. I threatened to shave it all off but Curt called my bluff, citing how much $$ we'd save. "You could just tell people you're Buddhist, honey!"

I go to the dentist in 30 minutes. I'm dreading it a bit. There's the one tooth the other dentist filled in July that was so close to the nerve it could maybe use a root canal; then the crown the new dentist says needs replaced - both on the left lower jaw. But this last week my right side has been killing me - sometimes upper, sometimes lower - and according to the new dentist there weren't any unfilled cavities over there. I suspect he's wrong.

Cleo is not a happy camper since she's been confined to quarters. I'be been taking her out in the yard for supervised potty breaks under her favorite shrubs morning and night, but I don't know how much longer she'll be satisfied with that before she catches on that she won't get to STAY outside and starts bolting the minute I set her down. As soon as she does, I think I'll need to invest in a kitty leash. The horror, the indignity!!!

Mom is now up to her 4th dog in 2 years down in Florence. A Maltese puppy to replace Cappy, who took off one day a couple of weeks ago when Bill had her off her leash down on the dunes, never to be seen or heard from again. Jinx was devestated when we went down for the weekend - she missed her best friend.

I don't get it. It's a TOY puppy for cryin' out loud! That aint a real dog! If you want a lapwarmer you've already got 4 cats!! What's the point? She says she wanted a dog that Bill can't take to the beach. Understandable - Cappy was a replacement for Willard, the Black Lab/ Great Dane dog that ran off when Bill was crabbing... hmmmm I'm sensing a pattern here. If I didn't know Bill loved those damned dogs so much I might be suspicious. I really do feel sorry for him, he must feel like total shit, losing *two* dogs. We've offered to let Jinx stay down there for extended visits - Bill adores her, she adores him. He's retired, she's not left all alone all day.... honestly if it weren't for this cumbersome habit of losing dogs alltogether we might just give her to him out of guilt. I know it's not that he abuses them or anything. I think it's just lack of discipline and his letting 'em run loose in areas where he can't chase 'em down when they get stubborn and don't want to come when called (like the scrub brush).

Mom says

Mom says that no, penicillin comes from bread not oranges and yes, yes I am a paranoid freak before launching into her "why didn't you call me the second you got home last night"? spiel. Could be paranoia is genetic, methinks.

Note To Self: Clean Your Desk More Often

Did you know rotting oranges smell like acetone? I didn't! But I do now!!!

So isn't that mold on oranges actually Penicillin? Aren't I allergic to Penicillin? Just freakin' a little bit 'cuz when I grabbed the bag with the moldy orange in it a little green cloud exploded from it. I'm a paranoid freak is what I am. But I've still got a call into Mom just to be on the safe side....

Duelling Pissmonsters at Dawn

My desk reaks of chemicals - like fingernail polish and I can't find the source. I suspect the new liquid bandage stuff I bought at RiteAid a few weeks ago. Think clear nail polish with an antiseptic in it - but the lid is tightly sealed. It's driving me nuts. I mean if it *had* spilled the smell would dissipate, wouldn't it?

Anyway - had a nice Turkey Day at Dad's though big surprise, my dear brother wasn't able to make it. Then we went to Mom's on the coast for the rest of the weekend. Nice and relaxing after the stressful week I've had. We came home, however to our neighbor, Montel banging on the door demanding satisfaction for his neurotic cat, who has apparently been traumatized beyond tolerance by my sweet, toothless calico Cleo. She goes over there and actually tries to get into their house, even though their cat has made it crystal clear she does not want to share her abode. I have no idea what the attraction is but suspect it's the lure of the forbidden. They certainly haven't been overly friendly to her. Maybe that's the problem - she can't stand to have people not like her? Montel did not find my suggestion that they may have better catfood very amusing. Sometimes I don't think they have a sense of humor. That seems to be the case with most devout Christians I meet, though.

So I taped up the catdoor with cardboard and confined Cleo to her quarters for the duration. I fully expect to feel her wrath in the coming days. It's her own damned fault! We've got a wonderful yard, empty lot in the back and plenty of house for her to call home - she has no need to try to annex their house, as well! If she does manage to slip out we gave them full permission to make it as unpleasant for her as possible - including turning a hose on her if necessary.

Evil Plot to Become Inaccessible Has Backfired

These have had to have been two of the toughest days of my life. For full details, you can check out my Help I need Asskissing lessons! thread. Basically, my evil plan to make people so scared of me at work that they quit bugging me has backfired dramatically - Jan called me into the office yesterday to tell me that she has received no less than *gasp!* 12 different complaints in the last two weeks from people who are too scared of me to come to me for help! Frankly I'm surprised she hasn't commented on my performance recently before this - I've been overburdened and have been slacking a bit and haven't been motivated to pick up the pace to get caught up, too enamored of just trudging along on the hamster wheel of stress I call my job. I was expecting people to complain - just not about my attitude, and not all at once!

Yesterday's meeting didn't go that well - I was a teary-eyed, sobbing, full on gulping mess and wasn't in my best form. I was feeling attacked and went on the offensive, arguing every single example she gave and defending myself until I was blue in the face. But she did agree to skip the write up in favor noting a verbal warning, so I don't feel that bad for it. I'm sorry but in the end I'm the only advocate I can count on. I'm not going to let myself get dumped on unfairly without putting up a fight. It's just not in my nature.

What truly sucketh was that I felt like she'd gone from ally to adversary in 6 seconds flat. But in today's meeting we worked it all out, I hope and identified where my apparently insane insecurity and paranoia was coming from (I was convinced she was only writing me up to gather ammo for firing me). We also identified ways she unintentionally contributed to the problem so I'm not feeling like I'm being hung out to dry. So I can go home, sex up my baby and catch up on the zzz's I lost last night obsessing over it.

The fucking dog, however has become obsessed wtih my womanly scents again. Maybe coming off b/c is making my smell more alluring - I dunno. She's actually putting all her new-found mental acuity gathered getting treats out of the mental stimulation cube I bought to keep her occupied during the day to use diggin my underoos out of the laundry bag in order to eat the crotches out of them. According to Curt, however she's now gone one step further - she actually got into my nightstand which I must have left cracked open today and killed Barney - my favorite ribbed purple dildo. May we please have a moment of silence for my silicone friend, who was discovered violently dismembered in the living room this afternoon. He will be missed.
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*So long Barney, dear old friend :(

Freud Get Out of My Head

Freaky dream of the week: It's a sci fi. In space - very large spherical battleships. I've thankfully forgotten most of it, but here's the weird part I can't forget. For some reason testicles provide some substance that powers weapons. Grandma L. shows up with my dead Grandpa's huevos, which have been preserved by the miracle of modern science and recommends they use the smoother (i.e. hairless) one of the two, 'cuz when she and Grandpa used to have sex, she'd have an orgasm every time he "used that one ". WTF????? Am I channeling Freud or something?

Here Comes Santa Claus

How pathetic am I? A local radio station just made a big deal out of "Santa's making a big announcement @4:30", even had the traffic guy track his progress to the parking garage. Then Santa goes on the air and says "2003's been a tough year - we've got loved ones risking their lives in Iraq; the local economy's still not doing well, we had a little bit of snow last week - I think we need a little Christmas early. I hereby ask KLIT to start playing non-stop Christmas music starting right now!" then they play this song from a charity Christmas CD called "Christmas in the Northwest" which is cheesy in the extreme but very pretty.... and I started bawling. The chorus is "Christmas in the Northwest Is a gift God wrapped up in green" and it gets me every time. It's tough to be an atheist during the holidays. Sometimes I feel silly about how damned much I love the Northwest, and feel so proud to be lucky enough to have been born & raised here. My atheist Grandma F. used to say "If there is a God - she's right here. This is God's country - you want a cathedral? Look around!" Maybe that's why Oregon has the lowest % of people "practicing" religion in the country. I can understand craving heaven when you're ekeing your living out of a hard, dusty, blistering desert. But this is heaven on earth - I can't imagine anywhere better!

Maybe it's just PMS making me so emotional, which would be a shame - if you get impreggenated do you still get PMS?

I'd heard KLIT's promos that they were going to start playing Xmas music 24/7 again this year, but had NO IDEA it would be so freakin' early! One week before Thanksgiving?? Come on! But OTOH, I looooove Christmas music and for some reason I'm more "in the spirit" this year than I have been lately. Curt would love nothing more than to go get a tree THIS WEEKEND. So I'm groovin' out to Mannheim Steamroller's instrumental version of "Deck the Halls" right now - feelin' all the world like a twinkle light getting lit up for the first time. I can smell the pine now - maybe I'll give in. :)

13th Warrior

Can I just say that Netflix is the coolest thing ever? We watched the 13th Warrior again last night. I like this movie a lot, even though I somehow missed the goddess=evil imagery the first time around. Or maybe I just blocked it out. It happens. Anyway - the cannibalistic tribe who were mythisized (is that a word? If not it should be!) as non-human supernatural-like boogeymen leaves a venus figurine at the scene of a particularly gruesome murder. Then it turns out they are led by a serpent-goddess priestess; whose dreadlocked Medusa-styled head must be cut off (it is prophesied by an old crone) to make the bloodthirsty tribe quit attacking. Meanwhile, the protagonists are 1) an Arabic Muslim; and 2) 12 very "manly" Norse warriors. At first I'm thinking "great.... matriarch vs. patriarchal cultures and isn't it interesting which is painted evil?" but now I'm not so sure. Islam is a given but what about the pre-Christian Norse religion? Sure, they exalted the "manly" arts of war but they had some kick-ass female warriors and gods in their pantheon too, and I thought Celtic influence?. Aside from the cannibalism, the movie actually depicts what I'd think life would be like for the early Paleolithic European tribes who worshipped the Venus figures. They're associated with hunter/ gatherer societies, dwellings in caves and big game animals. So that fits.... but the last figurines only date to about 20,000 BC; and the movie takes place sometime after Mohammed (622 AD? but before the Norse were Christianized (around 1000AD?) so in the end perhaps it's just a "lost barbaric tribe" vs. "civilization" thing?? Still interesting, thought I discovered when looking for that link that this was based on a Michael Creichton book, Eaters of the Dead which was in turn, apparently based largely on Beowulf (as told from an Arab contemporary perspective). Damn - I knew I was missing out on something when we had to read fucking "Moby Dick" in 11th grade honors class instead of Beowulf & Chaucer as the "regular" class was doing. Fucking Hawthorne!

I's a College Draguate!

OK all you people quit giving me Hell - I finally went and picked up my college diploma today. It's only been 8 years - what's the problem? They've kept it nice and safe for me through countless moves, and were nice enough to waive the $30 or so in parking fines 5 years ago that caused them to hold it in the first place. So it's a win-win all around!

What motivated me? Well - there's a couple of annoying women in the office who strike up this tiresome UO vs. OSU rivalry every year just before their big Civil War football game. They drench the office in their school colors and are quite smug. This year I had enough! I felt the urge to point out that there *ARE* other universities in the state of Oregon, one of which I happened to have graduated from and feel pretty damn proud of myself. PSU has, in fact the largest student enrollment in the state. But we highlight education over athletics so our teams have to fight for their funding every year and will most likely *never* make it into the Pac-10 or other NCAAA (or whatever it is) big-time football league. The average age of our student body is 27 - about half are returning adult students juggling school, a job and family. When I was there we had one frat and one sorority each. OSU, on the other hand was the setting for the movie "Animal House" and appropriately so. We may be the youngest school in the state system (est. 1946) but we have the most dignified, mature student body.

It turns out we have far more PSU alums in the building than either OSU ir UO! Heh. So my boss Jan, the accounting mgr and I all agreed to buy some school sweatshirts and "represent" tomorow; and I got nominated to go to the campus bookstore at lunch today to pick up the shirts and other assorted memorobilia. So as long as I was there I picked up the old diploma. Such a simple, easy thing to do I don't know why it's taken me 8 years to get around to it. Oh well.

So Curt's not delusional

The snow started here about 20 minutes after he called and it's still coming down. We have an official snow advisory in effect until 2:00 now. I'm not sure if that supercedes or compounds the Flood Warning. It's fun & pretty to look at until you have to drive home in it - so I'm hoping it melts before then.

Jezebel Got A Bad Rap!

Finally we get a REAL Oregon winter! The National Weather Service has issued an urban flood watch for Portland until 2:00 pm. Basic recipe for flooding: Take all the leaves that were dumped by a windstorm we had in the last few days, mix with the couple of inches of rain we're due to get in the coming hours and voila! Plugged storm drains and lovely urban pondscapes. Traffic, however sucks. But c'est la vie! Curt had the nerve to call to ask if I'd seen the snow on my way in. He must be delusional - nothing here but liquid wonderland. If there's any white stuff it's melting on the way down. His new office must be at a slightly higher elevation or something.

I got an interesting blast from the past this morning. My old flame & tormented Baptist fuck-buddy T. emailed from out of the blue to see if I'd tied the knot yet. I hear from him maybe once a year when he comes to town, works up enough courage to give me a booty call - the concept of which goes against all of his oh-so-earnest religious beliefs until he gets horny enough to develop some kind of justification that allows it. I really tried to convince him there was no shame in goold old honest, no strings attached sex but I couldn't quite overcome the logic of his minister. For a brief time before he moved away I deluded myself into thinking there might be hope for a real relationship, until he'd show up again out of the blue to get his obligatory shot off and inform me of his inability to develop a healthy relationship with whatever "good Christian woman" he'd attempted to date (with the intention of abstaining until marriage) after the last time guilt had catapulted him from my bed back to Sunday services. Sorry old chum but you're out of luck. I was done playing your Jezebel a long, long time ago.

Speaking of Jezebel - here's an interesting revisionist version of her story along the lines of
The Red Tent

Opus Returns!!!

Only 5 days and counting until the Return of Opus!!!! I'd forgotten how much I LOVED Bloom County as a young'un. Honey, if you're reading this.... tip for Christmas/ birthday gifts: Any any all Bloom County/ Opus books and memorabilia is always appreciated. Some people like Disney, others WInnie the Pooh.... give me Milquetoast and the Basselope anyday!

Why Do the Good Ones Leave?

Newsflash: Double Doh! Jr. has left the building. Resignation letter to follow. Another victim of the company owner's frequent grumpfests. Guess she couldn't take both him and the reborn CostMart dictators. Damn. Couldn't even keep it together long enough to retrieve her jacket and purse. Very sad. Jan's already expecting to inherit her mission to CostMart. She was already scheduled for a meeting with them in a 2 weeks.

The mystery, yet again is how Double Doh! Sr. manages to not get his incompetent ass fired. He's a weird duck. Seriously. Disabled in some unvoiced way. Rumor has it he has Tourett's; or Schizophrenia or something alltogether different and that the owner (Stan) feels sorry for him and is keeping him on until he retires in 7 years or so. He's prone to either a) pass out at his desk or b) have wild gestulating tirades out in the parking lot when stressed - the only audience the invisible demons in his head and the mystified eyes of the marketing mgr peering through her window - which faces the parking lot. His behavior is never quite so alarming as to warrant a call to 911. You never know if it's caused by an actual physical/mental condition or it's just an elaborate coping method developed to help him endure the Wrath of Stan, which he earns himself quite frequently. My hypothesis? Maybe it was *caused* by Stan to begin with and now he feels so guilty for mentally unbalancing this poor man he refuses to fire.

Jumping Ship

Yesterday was another Jane Squat day. Though I did manage to get up early to attend and run the meeting I'd set up for Shelly, the Double Doh!'s and customer service to go over the latest bombshell Costco online through in our direction. Bottom line is, Costmart is run by a bunch of rigid dominating asswipes who must be half a dozen Roman dictatorial emperors re-born. We received a call on a Thursday that they wanted to go live on the following MONDAY with our rugs online - and the full EDI order fulfillment/ tracking/ autopay juggernaut that "oh, by the way" came with that decree. THe problem is, we don't exactly conform anywhere near the "ideal" vendor model they had in mind when they set up that system, and we don't fit. We don't manufacture our product ourselves; and sure as hell don't hold our own inventory or have any control over how it's shipped. So we're having to cajole/ armtwist *all* of *our* different vendors to change THEIR business model to make this happen; and beg for mercy from Costmart to give us some slack while we're making it happen. Which wouldn't be a problem except the person given responsibility for the arm twisting and mercy-begging is the Doh! Jr. (aka Lauri) who does a shitty job of impersonating an invertebrate. She has no backbone whatsoever.

In other news, it's Curt's last day at Aegis. He's jumping ship to join that other mortgage banking co. that has been recruiting him for months. No base salary, which is a little worrisome but the commissions are about 3 times better, they pay quicker, turns out they *do* offer full bene's; and they have much, MUCH better programs so he can sell to a broader market. The other guys in the office average about $4000/ month. We could live with that :)

Maybe our luck is turning - I won about $12 off of $5 spent on Lottery scratch it's the other day. I'll "re-invest" and buy more tickets - but the question of the day is, more scratch its... or Megabucks/ Powerball tickets instead? Decisions, decisions..... I did rather enjoy drifting off to sleep that night dreaming about what we'd do if we won a couple of mill. Buy the empty lot next door and build our dream house or remodel the hell out of our house? Maybe both? Curt said we'd just buy someplace new. I don't care if Grandpa the ex-commie was convinced lotteries were evil (selling empty hope to poor people). You've got to have dreams, don't you?

Fuck Miss Manners!

I got the thank you's done! WOOHOO!!! And under my 2 month self-set deadline (just barely). Do men just not understand the importance of this stupid tradition? I mean, I'd have happily blown it off in favor of calling everyone and thanking them personally but by all that is Holy - that is just.not.done by a well-mannered bride in society. Curt said he'd already thanked most of his famliy by phone so he didn't see the point in sending a note. Of course he wouldn't! How could he possibly know that this act alone will determine my worth in *some* of his family's eyes? I don't know why I care - I shouldn't, really. I mean, I said "Fuck it" to the white dress, "Here Comes The Bride", traditional ceremony - why can't I say "Fuck it" to the thank you's, too? I guess because I truly *am* grateful for the gifts we received and want to express that. What's so amazing is that according to Miss Manners - brides have ONE YEAR to send thank you's (note - brides, not grooms.... of course). But my family doesn't give a shit about Miss Manners. I was destined to hear "so have you got your thank you's done?" at each and every contact with them until the deed was done. The nagging would not have stopped. So sue me - I caved into societal pressure.

The Buddhists have an interesting take on gratitude. I still haven't quite figured it out - but basically it's the theory that you should give for giving's sake - not with any intent to receive something in return (like a stupid THANK YOU CARD!!). But then, nobody's explained this philosophy to my family yet - and I don't know if they'd go for it in any case. Though Becky has started studying a little about meditation and Zen - so maybe there's hope.

Mr. Rogers for President (of the company, that is)

I swear to Maude I had an entry in here yesterday! Apparently drafts are deleted if you don't post them the same day? Hmmmm.

Didn't make it to the priory Wed - maybe tonight instead. Also did not get thank you's out. This weekend I SWEAR!!!

How in the hell am I getting dragged back into this whole freaking area rug/ CostMart online fiasco??? I thought I'd ducked that headache when Shelly got back from vacation??? Oh yeah... I got a panicked visit from the junior double doh after Shelly had left for the day. Somehow she'd gotten it into her head that I was involved with all the work Shelly's been doing to iron out the business process side of things. Basically, Shelly can't finish her programming until some fundamental questions are answered by our buying dept. and CostMart. But nobody's thought of these yet. Example: how are we going to handle orders with multiple rugs that are backordered and therefore ship one at a time? CostMart is demanding that we give them *a* tracking number - but we'll have several. Turns out, part of the "requirements" nobody gave us before demanding we go live was that we have the ability to ship ALL orders at ONCE - no partial shipments or backorders allowed!!! This is supposedly true for BOTH our online and in -store programs. If a rug is out of stock we're to notify EVERY single one of the hundreds of stores and costco online so they can take the rug in question down from their sample rack and make it unavailable for purchasing.

So what's the senior doh!'s take on this (John)? "Oh, the 4-6 week order leeway should take care of the backorders" (nevermind that it does NOT, currently - we very often have orders backed up well beyond 6 weeks) and just *pretend* that we ship all at once. I'd like to know when Microsoft built in "wishful thinking" capability as part of their development platform. Maybe in Mr. Roger's neighborhood of Make Believe that shit might work, but not here in the real world!. Whose going to magically intercept the calls from the irate customers that get partial shipments? Big Bird? Bert & Ernie?? No, it's now going to be CostMart that's taking these calls so they're GOING TO FIND OUT pretty damned quick that we're lying to them. What a fucking moron. I would kill to find out what John has on Stan that's keeping him from getting his ass fired. He's totally and completely incompetent!

Junior Doh! is just about worthless. She's a buyer - all she knows how to do is find pretty rugs and get the best deals on them. Stan can go blue in the face demanding she & the rest of the dept. step up to actually "manage* their respective product lines, but they have no clue - and end up begging us to do that part of their job for them - then resentful as hell when we refuse. Which would be a good tactic, you'd think except for the fact that nobody, least of all Stan is actually holding them accountable for their intransigence and incompetence. Oh no - he saves that for us.

I'm developing a sinus/tension headache as I type

Might be the contacts I wore today - I usually save them for weekends and evenings out. And I'm cold in my little hole in the wall. Waaaah!

Somebody on the Phoenix posted this really cool link to help rescue animals: animal rescue . Every time you click the button it sponsors some kibble. But looking around there are some pretty terrific gifts & items for sale where the proceeds go to either animal rescue, or rainforest protection, or breast cancer research, etc. It's going to be a lean Christmas but I think I'll buy all my presents here.

In other news I'm happy to report that since I've been off the ortho b/c my libido's made a bit of a comeback. Now if we don't conceive it'll be Curt's fault - he's back on Wellbutren which I think is bringing his down, again. Seems like we can never get a break. We're doing OK on the new diet - I'm rather enjoying coming up with creative ways of cooking healthier. If it just weren't so damned expensive!!!

It's been awhile since we've been to the priory. We should really go - it's just so hard to drive somewhere after a hectic day and frustrating drive home fighting traffic. And my meditation is slipping - I don't remember to do it at all on the weekends, or in the evenings and don't do it very long in the mornings. I need to work on that.

I think I'll head home a bit early and try to get some actual thank you's out.

We're being Invaded by Masked Bandits!

The case of the disappearing post. Let's try this a 2nd time.

I've been much more productive lately at work. It helps that Timmy's got our new superfast terminal server up finally so I can actually DO something from home. For some reason I'm feeling much more motivated - could be the insecurity with Curt's job is making me really, really grateful for mine? Ya think? It is a pretty sweet job all things considered - even the money. I get to do what I enjoy and feel good about the company and service we provide. Ann tells me Stan's long term plan is to turn it into an ESOP which would be nice, and not go public. I've kind of been missing old D&B lately and working in an employee-owned shop would feel good again.

Curt was planning to stick it out at Aegis until the first of the year. His boss is really helping him so he doesn't get fired, but now they're yanking the self-generated leads commission and that's kind of the last straw. He's going to have lunch with a mortgage broker who really wants to hire him but they don't have benes or a base salary, which is troubling. But the commissions would be much, much better and their market isn't so pigeonholed so he'd likely be much more successful.

So I've apparently adopted a few more critters than I'd intended to. The family of raccoons that live in the neighbor's tall fir tree stand has finally gotten up the guts to brave the kitty door. It may just be one of 'em, I can't tell from the muddy little paw prints they're leaving on the dryer. I knew I was starting something when they began showing up to share the alfresco meals I was leaving for Jack in the carport last winter. Now that he's coming in to eat, I guess they think they can to!

As long as they're being respectful guests and not destroying things or eating ALL of our cat food, I'm trying not to be too concerned. It's just hard to get over the thought of there being WILD ANIMALS coming into my house. Curt, on the other hand is more than a little concerned that I'll start petting them and they'll end up in bed with us, too. Wish I had a Flo Control to discourage the buggers.

Introducing the Double-Doh!'s....

I've gotten exactly jack squat done at work today. That should be a standard unit of measurement, you know - "jack squat" - or maybe "jane squat" to be equitable.

In any case - I've christened the Buying Dept. the "Double Doh!" department and it seems to fit. Thankfully they've all been out of the office this week but boy did they try to fuck us over before they left. Jan asked them to do one simple thing to help us enable CostMart's recent bug up the ass decision to put our area rugs on their website. Find out why they'd need the freight broken out as a separate line item from the sku (it's not with the in-store area rugs). Because depending on their answer, this could have significant impact on us when all the data starts flying electronically. Like we won't get paid for the freight - on *either* the online *or* online rugs. They basically lied to our faces in the meeting to discuss and said "sure" but then when Jan asked them the next day what CostMart had said they not only hadn't asked, but flat out refused to do so. Basically they'd called the meeting in the first place to try to dump the whole damned project in our laps (as usual) - nevermind that it is very much NOT our job to deal with Costmart or our vendors) and when we didn't take the bait they said "fuck it - IT/Acctg will be forced to deal with it when it all falls apart after we go live".

Once Jan figured out their motives she put the fear of Stan (the owner) into Lauri without the John-Doh! buying manager part of the equation in attendance and got her to play nice. One call to CostMart determined it was a non-issue. See how hard that was?

If You Eat That, Honey Your Feet Will Rot Off

whoa it's been awhile. I guess I should have been blogging myself through all the wedding planning/taking place nightmare stuff but I spent all my cyberenergy posting to MS. and surfing (as usual).

So I'm hitched! DIdn't feel weird until I called Curt at the office and identified myelf as "his wife" when they asked who was calling. Being married doesn't feel weird - as someone on MS put it, it's about the same as living in sin except now we've got matching dishes (and a shitload of thank you's to write). Being called a "wife" definitely feels weird, though.

First test of the marriage came upon our return when Mom brought up an extra kitten besides our foster kitten when they returned Jinx. He's adorable but has very sharp claws - and for some reason insists on raking them down Curt's bare flesh whenever the opportunity presents itself. I had to promise to get rid of one of the other 3 to keep Uno. Cleo of course is out of the question and as I told Curt, Ozzie's such an asshole nobody else would put up with him and he'd get his ass killed- so that leaves Jack the orange stray as my nominee. He at least stands a chance. I think I'm going to hit Gramma up as a possibility - he likes staying on the porch/in the barn and is nice and lovey when you want him to be.

So Curt's doc put him on a weight loss plan and we're on a diet. Mom couldn't contain her glee when I informed her. She positively delights in sharing the most morbidly grotesque stories from the hospital about overweight people who have diabetes. THen I try to trump her with graphic accounts of what happens to smokers and it's just not a pretty conversation.

Mom: "It's just that I worry so much, honey - you don't want to see what happens when people's feet rot off"
Me: "Oh, is it a prettier picture than someone with emphysema coughing up a bloody cancerous lung ?"

I've already caved and had a Twix bar instead of the carrot sticks I brought for my mid afternoon snack. I feel like such a failure. Hoepfully Curt will be so obsessed with job hunting/ finances he won't ask me how I did today :)

Call me Ishtar

Or don't - it's no big deal. Just a way to dip my feet into the collective cyber consciousness and add my thoughts. As yet I have no idea where I'll be taking this effort - we'll just play it by ear and see what comes out.